Your Daily Gohmert: And This Is Why We Cannot Have Satire Any More
Nobody believes that Louie Gohmert really honest to God said this.
“If President Bush had known that he would have a total incompetent follow him that would not even be able to negotiate a status of forces agreement with Iraq and start helping our enemies and just totally put the Middle East in chaos, then he would have to think twice about doing anything if he had known he would have such a total incompetent leader take over after him,” Gohmert said. “That should be the question.”
So Bush wouldn’t have gone into Iraq if he’d known that Obama was going to get elected and screw it up.
This is not satire.
No, this isn’t satire. But it is a good reason to put Louie in a place that has no sharp corners or objects, soft food and enough medications to quiet the screaming voices in his (what is laughingly called) brain.
1I really think ol’ Louie should run for President. There’s room in the Klown Kar, and folks would appreciate the levity. Consider it Texas’ gift to the rest of the country. Rick Perry just ain’t going to cut it.
2To the people who voted for Louie, this makes perfect sense.
3Why is gibberish constantly spewing from Louie Gohmert’s mouth? That should be the question.
4Well, Monty, the gibberish only spews when he runs out of asparagus.
5The sad thing is, there are a large number of voters out there who think Louie’s talking sense. Not even Stephen King could write anything more frightening.
6Alfred E. Newman.
Oh. Wait. AEN was pretty wise. Sorry, Louie. We’ll keep searching…..
7No, it’s not satire. It’s tragedy that this guy is in a position of power and that there were enough voters to put him there.
8Re running for President, see http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/biker-brawl-suspects-only-slightly-outnumber-republican-candidates
Actually I can tell the difference. One group has more hair.
9I never heard of Louie Gohmert before finding this blog. He is so far beyond the pale, so incredibly stupid and insensitive as to be truly inhuman. I am not kidding. Do y’all think that there is an insecticide or pesticide that we could use to rid humanity of this scourge? Again, I am not kidding. He isn’t satire. He needs to go.
10“I can’t have nice things… because I have a cat.”
The United States can’t have nice things because Texans keep electing people like Louie to run the place. 🙂
11Well, I figure it like this: you are what you eat. Louie is nuts. He should stop eating nuts. What would rid his brain of the nut residue? Louie, from here on in its bran mash for you.
12what Mark Schlemmer said……….:)
13I had a bookkeeper once to made convoluted, crazy, unbelievable statements kind of randomly. She was in my life only one day a week. Some of her other employers and I used to mention the “amorphisms” and how bizarre some statements were, but ultimately we chalked it off to it just being her. She was an excellent bookkeeper.
14Fast forward 10 years, and she was diagnosed with a terrible brain centered illness, that not only affected speech but body movements as well.
It turned out that the crazy mental stuff was a known part of the beginning of the disease…I think that Louie may be going down that path of major illness and we are just unlucky enough that the place he comes from is mentally ill as well. I am not a professional, but it’s getting so similar to my bookkeepers universe that I’m moving into compassion for him as an individual while still being terrified at the power he wields. Nero, Henry 8, King George (American Revolution) all of them had poison running through their brains…and they did big damage to their respective countries.
Sigh. Being a Repug is mental illness enough, adding in a terrible physical condition…Texas is burning up–you can’t drink oil–infrstructure is falling apart…religious nuts are trying to run the show, you have taxation without representation, so Louie is all the tyrants worst features rolled into one…
Just saying.
Louie makes me think of that scene from Blazing Saddles
15“Authentic frontier gibberish”
It is so hard for me to believe that anyone in Texas would not only elect, but re elect this man who is obviously deficient in the brain department. What has happened here in Texas? There used to be sane rationale people as politicians in Texas, now it seems only the insane can be elected? It seems like a herd mentality going to the polls and robotically pushing the R button!!!
16http://www.dailykos.com/story/2015/05/20/1386342/-America-s-Dumbest-Congressman-Bush-would-have-never-invaded-Iraq-if-he-knew-Obama-would-screw-it-up
17I had an Auntie who was mentally ill. She was even “institutionalized” for a while. Compared to Louie Auntie was quite sane. I wish I were joking.
18In olden days, folks like Gaius Julius Caesar would ride back into town on their chariot as conquering heroes, while adoring citizens cheered the parade thunderously. However, there was always another guy on the chariot with him, whose job it was to whisper in the hero’s ear “memento mori.” “Remember, you are a mortal man.”
They ought to have a similar guy, right next to Louie, every moment of every day. And every time he dribbles drivel down his chin, this guy’s job would be to slap Louie as hard as he possibly could, right across the face, and say “memento moron.”
19As someone who lives in a TX district similar (at least in politics) to Loony Louie’s, most of the R’s see nothing wrong with those words, they take it as gospel (don’t get me going on religion(s)).
They believe it, and lots more even worse, 100%; fact-free, irrational, batsh!t insane: feed us moar, moar!
If you do the numbers (at the TX SoS website) on the voting numbers, you will find that in most counties/districts, people very like Gohmert consistently win with 60-95% margins. A significant plurality of the voters supporting them literally believe 100% faith-based in this kind of crazee carp, so y’all have some idea what we’re up against down here.
Oh, and by the way, you furrinen staters shouldn’t get to feeling too smug, this RWNJ disease has been spreading rapidly: WI, MI, OH, PA, KS, NE, AZ, OK, S/ND, all those other non-core Southern states that have been taken over by the crazies…
It might be an epidemic of ‘Mad Rep Disease, kinda like “Mad Cow/Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease * “, a brain condition caused by “prions”, a life form neither virus/bacteria, just a malformed, replicating protein.
Let’s call this spreading plague the ‘Cruz-Gohmert Syndrome’ for now (It isn’t practical to use all their surnames to title it, is it? The ‘Cruz-Gohmert-Walker-Jindal-Trump-Palin-Bachmann-Scott-Snyder-Kasich-Brownback-Abbott-Carson-Santorum-yaddayadda-Disease…just don’t fly).
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creutzfeldt%E2%80%93Jakob_disease
“Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease (/ˈkrɔɪtsfɛlt ˈjɑːkoʊb/ KROITS-felt YAH-kohb)[1] or CJD is a degenerative neurological disorder that is incurable and invariably fatal.[2] CJD is at times called a human form of mad cow disease (bovine spongiform encephalopathy or BSE).[3] However, given that BSE is believed to be the cause of variant Creutzfeldt–Jakob (vCJD) disease in humans, the two are often confused.[4]
CJD is caused by an agent called a prion. Prions are misfolded proteins that replicate by converting their properly folded counterparts, in their host, to the same misfolded structure they possess. CJD causes the brain tissue to degenerate rapidly, and as the disease destroys the brain, the brain develops holes and the texture changes to resemble that of a kitchen sponge.”
20Neither dumbass dubya or Louie would pee their pants if either had the ability to think and plan ahead.
21Ain’t Prions made by some foreign car company here in ‘murrica?
22Wait! Whut?
23It has been confirmed that Loopy Louie cannot read. He was merely paraphrasing the same talking points gibberish that the rest of the neocon nut gallery has been spewing. Forget that Dubya and Darth Dickey lied. In the GOP forget the facts fashion, we are also expected to forget that the SOFA, (status of forces agreement) was negotiated by Dubya’s team to withdraw American troops from Iraq by 2011.
Yes, that SOFA. Meanwhile Loopy Louie and Dubya are still looking for a place to sit.
24There’s a good chance Louie’s mental clock has slipped a couple cogs and started to run in reverse. You’ll know it for sure when the hair on his head starts to grow, his palms get bald and the calluses on his knuckles go away after he stops dragging them along the ground.
25By your own statements, lots here have friends and family suffering from various mental illnesses. That’s sad so close to home. Mental illness is real.
That said I am never going to give Louie Gohmert a “mental illness” pass for some remark he makes about anything. Mentally ill or not he’s a sitting elected official, he’s ambitious for higher office and he’s a T-hadist a$$. And even if I see with my own eyes in the medical examiners autopsy physical evidence of brain damage I’ll still think he’s a T-hadist a$$ utterly undeserving of the high office to which he has been elected.
26Louie reminds me of a howler monkey
27Gohmert isn’t running for president, is he?
28Mark Schlemmer, I think our best bet is a fungicide.
Or possibly a laxative.
29We were told that the invasion of Iraq would take a month, and cost $1.9 Billion “tops.” If that had happened, what was left for the next guy to do?
Mission Accomplished
30Sandridge: “kitchen sponge”. Nailed it!! Louie’s new moniker.
31Louie done fell outa the clown car and bounced down the stairs on his haid.
32via Fred Farklestone above, dailykos.com says it all “America’s Dumbest Congressman”. I am ashamed to be in and from Texas.
33Yup, Louie is the Dumbest Thing on Two Legs, except for days when Steve Doocy is on rhe air.
Then sometimes, he’s just the Second Dumbest.
34I’m with Mark Schlemmer. There ought to be some kind of spray.
35google BOROWITZ REPORT today. It might help.
36Screwy Louie should get a gig on the Comedy Channel….
Just be yourself Louie… 3… 2… 1… Ready… Action…
37laughable Louie cannot do satire because satire requires a modicum of intelligence and more than a passing acquaintance with the truth, which satire is ,unlike Louie, grounded in.
38Huh? 🙁 I could not believe my luck when I discovered his district ends Less than ten miles from where I live! I thought he was my pet rock, BUT HE ISN’T!!!
39Kudos to all the witty patrons and their apt descriptions of one Louie Gohmert. Forgive me if I plagiarize a few.(a la Rand Paul)
40thanks, Mike, for the “authentic frontier gibberish” reference from Blazing Saddles. For these purposes let’s rename it “Authentic Repug Gibberish.” And Sandridge’s “kitchen sponge” description of Gohmert’s brain is spot-on, but let’s not limit its use to Asparagus Man. The kitchen sponge phrase applies to so many in that exclusive Bagger Club. And there are so many nut jobs running in the Repug primary, that the Clown Car has now been replaced by the Looney Limo.