Yep. It’s Not Only A Rope. It’s Patriotic Rope.
I’m on some crazy rightwing mailing lists just for fun and today I got this special offer. Click the little one t get the big one.
So, if you click it, here’s what it is that will scare FEMA half to death.
Lord have mercy child, it’ a rope and a whistle.
Originally used during World War II, Parachute Cord, aka Paracord, was designed to attach parachutes to harnesses. Not only is it very strong and versatile but lately it has become a fashion accessory as well. Look good and show your patriotic pride while being prepared!
All you have to do is pay the $2.95 shipping because it’s free, free, free.
But, it’s also a miracle.
For every free bracelet ordered, a donation is made to the Wounded Warrior Project. Over $2,388.80 already donated to our soldiers!
So not only are they giving you free stuff, they are actually donating money from the massive amounts of free they are getting.
How do they stay in business? Volume, volume, I tell you!
Honey, if all I need in an emergency is a rope and whistle, I look forward to the next one and I hope it’s on a playground.
They let these people vote, y’all. They do.
I can see where you might need a rope and a whistle if you’re lost in the woods, but what exactly are you supposed to be surviving here?
I saw an ad somewhere for MRE-type food with a name like Patriot Survival Food.
Aliens? Commies? Ebola? Hordes of immigrant children? Black man in the White House? Do these people even know what they’re afraid of?
1Rope-a-dope?
2Well if FEMA hates it, it must be great, right?
3I’d love to hear FEMA officials explain why they hate ropes and whistles. And I’d also love to hear why something which is free costs $2.95. Does it show patriotism to get scammed by this guy? He apparently thinks so.
My grandson has several longer versions on this (sans whistle and cheesy flag) that he wears around his neck as a chew/teething device. So far, we haven’t heard from FEMA, but there are fewer holes in his Tshirts.
4Give’em enough rope…
5It’s not patriotic unless it can stand at attention and sing the National Anthem. Until then, it’s just a rope.
And a pretty cheesy one, too.
6Now, now, y’all. Y’all also get… wait for it…
video 1 – How To Unravel The Bracelet [something helpful to know]
video 2 – Using Inner Strands [and why would you want to know how to use them? can survivalists not figure this out for themselves?]
PDF Written Report – “101 Paracord Uses” [may I suggest the first use?]
And, it’s a $17.97 value. For just #2.95 s&h [how can you pass up such a useful tool at such a bargain basement price?]
How about just calling it “How To Wear Your Paranoia For Everyone to See”?
7JJ, I’m on the same lists, and they are amusing, and sometimes have decent ideas about long term food storage and other emergency survival issues (we live in the forest, not the city so I keep enough to feed us for a couple of weeks at minimum, in case we get snowed in or otherwise cabin-bound.) My neighbor orders their stuff all the time, and gets an extra one for me. As an ex-cop, I particularly like the fold up metal knife that comes shaped as a credit card for easy storage in one’s wallet. I’m sure the TSA particularly likes that one, too. Though the few seconds it takes to fold it into a weapon could get one killed. I’m sure that’s the first thing they’ll confiscate at the FEMA camps.
I think such sites prove that irony ain’t yet dead…. under the guise of teaching survival skills, they hawk products and “techniques” that give their minions a false sense of security in a physical confrontation and can get them killed.
8I used to carry paracord in my pocket when I was hang-gliding for those times when I landed in a treetop and had to lower myself down. Didn’t need the whistle but it would be handy to blow into the phone to deafen telemarketers.
9Ahh but they would also have legitimate names, addresses email addresses and even better. credit card numbers. And we would have some lil ole bitty pieces of paracord and a crappy whistle……maybe. Ohhh forgot “how to” videos. And TONS of spam from all the people he sells that information to.
I think they I will pass up that bargain.
10If I had a choice between this and a FEMA trailer, I’d take the trailer.
11If one were to order one of these, would you get the actual thing? It says that he will send a “SAMPLE”. Samples are usually that, a sample, and then comes the kicker. If you don’t return the sample ins, say, like 13 days, you are automatically billed for the rest of the payment?
12This is just stoopid. The product and any purchaser who has $2.95 to just waste on this product. Here’s an idea… pass on this weave of stoopid and send $2.95 to Operation Matthew 25 instead.
13Micr, I like your idea: send the $2.95 to Matthew 25. Also I can see myself trying to undo all the knots in the rope in an emergency situation. How long do you think the emergency will be willing to wait for me to undo the rope?
14Rabblerouzzer, I have the same knife. When I have to travel on the subway or to a sketchy neighborhood, I open it, place the blade between business cards in my card case, and keep it in the easily accessible pocket on the back of my handbag. I do not need a paracord bracelet, and I don’t wear anything red, white, and blue. I wear red. I wear white. I wear blue. I don’t wear them together.
15I’m confused. I see the bracelet, but what is the “sample” the guy is offering to send? Is it the bracelet or a strand of thread?
Also, is this the sort of whistle that only dogs and gullible idiots can hear?
16Why would a Patriotic bracelet, red, white and blue, with an American flag and a donation to the Wounded Warrior project, come from a company in Bondi Beach, Australia? Doesn’t seem very patriotic to me.
17http://dawniehead.blogspot.com/2014/08/fema-hates-this.html
P.T. Barnham is alive,well and living in Australia.
18You s’pose we could get a bulk rate?
19Why would I want to wear a bracelet that weighs “550lb”?
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