Yeah, They Pay Me Money For This
I work for Houston’s best and classiest magazine – Outsmart. My friend Glen Maxey says that’s impossible because, in his meaningless estimation, I am neither out nor smart.
You might enjoy this month’s rendition. It’s called Top Twenty Ways Fire Ants are Better than Republicans.
Enjoy!
Mike Crowe writes me hate mail almost every month. I have no idea why he keeps reading something he knows he’s gonna hate. Must be a mental health issue, I dunno.
Mike Crowe strikes me your run-of-the-mill right wing dullard….
1JJ. You are a wonder and a joy!
2It was great.
bet it didn’t take long to write!!!
And the 1st commenter, didn’t have any rebuttal for what you wrote.
3I just love me some Juanita Jean!
Someone needs to bite Mike Crowe.
4That was the best thing I’ve read in some time. You almost got me lovin’ fire ants. Still laughing.
5Carolsb, I suspect there are some willing fire ants somewhere….
6Y’all feel free to make comments over there. Outsmart is very cool.
7JJ, having had some experience with fire ants and republicans, I have to say your article was both accurate and humorous!
8You might want to keep in mind that buzzards clean up after themselves, which makes them better than fire ants, which makes them ten or a hundred times better than the Republicans. Read about it in the upcoming SECRET BUZZARD SOCIETY which if I ever get the dang book perfectly designed, will be available via Amazon. Or from me if you want my signature inside it.
915, 16 & 20 were particular gems.
10And Mike Crowe should consult a proctologist about getting his head extracted.
Most significant difference is #15– fire ant bites go away after a few weeks. I wish Republican bites would, including those moronic SCOTUS decisions.
And nice Mike Crowe smackdown, JJ! I don’t know why people read stuff they know they’ll hate. I don’t go to their websites and leave nasty remarks; I wouldn’t waste my time and I don’t need the blood pressure.
11Rush would have to be a piss ant of course.
12Loved the article, JJ! Though I have only had to deal with Republicans, not fire ants.
13JJ,
One of your best – that was beautiful – I am going to see how many of Twitterpeeps will read it. I always get great comments about your columns.
14Mike Crowe seems to demonstrate how Republicans are exactly like fire ants.
They don’t understand what’s happened, so they strike out at everything they can.
15And the number one reason fire ants are better than Republicans…
16They don’t pretend they are living in a utopian state, free from corruption, racism, environmental pollution and discrimination, like Mr. Prissypants Crowe.
I would have added that fire ants have a life span shorter than an election cycle.
That’s a real plus.
17And I used to dislike fire ants. Now I have reasons to like them (they also don’t shoot coyotes).
Maybe you give Mike Crowe a reason to be.
18Fire Ants didn’t whine about dumb bass dubya being born in Kenya. None will ever be American by way of Cuba and Canada. That is a big plus. None will ever out a covert CIA agent. Bite her maybe. None will ever stuff their flight suit to look studly landing on an aircraft carrier. They won’t lie us into two illegal wars. They don’t vote for stoopid wingnuts. Fire ants don’t discriminate between rich and poor when they bite. Unlike wingnuts,ants don’t suck. And the list goes on forever.
19It’s always a source of amusement for me when folks claim that their free speech rights were somehow violated because someone criticized them. It is doubly amusing when they expose their hypocrisy by criticizing an opponent as an enemy of free speech because that opponent had in turn been critical of a viewpoint that the complainer agreed with.
Was Mike Crowe violating Susan Bankston’s free speech rights by claiming that Susan had violated the free speech rights of Republicans by criticizing them? Cue the spit-take.
On a side note, there’s a new ant in town: Crazy Ants. They can apparently fight off fire ants. (http://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/houston/article/Crazy-ants-can-fight-off-fire-ants-new-study-5233643.php). I’ll leave the analogy of the Tea Party versus the Country Club Republicans for another day.
20Another difference between fire ants and Republicans – fire ants eat termites, which means however much you may dislike fire ants they occasionally do something useful. I’ll wait while you try to find a Republican you can say the same for…
21Absolutely inspired list. Great picture of you, as well.
22Yes, lovely photo to accompany that beautiful piece of writing.
23Wow! Wait till I get this stuff to my daughter in Alabama where she has been fighting off fire ants for five years in her backyard lest they harm the kids and the dog. The developer and the real estate agent never told her about this bit of insectology which seems to be not only native to the area but more widespread than Noah’s flood. Hmmmm. Wonder why.
24A good friend requested that I point out that fire ants never cut back on Medicaid reimbursement for chemo therapy drugs for cancer patients either, the same can not be said of Republicans.
25Lovely, JJ, just lovely! And thanks to all the salon clients for adding to the list. Still laughing, and yet, it’s all true.
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