Yeah, I Had a Dell Once
This is the greatest story of all time. A man in Colorado shot and killed his computer.
Lucas Hinch, 37, was issued a summons by Colorado Springs police after he shot his 2012 Dell XPS 410 eight times in an alley, police said.
He took it to a safe place. He made sure there was nothing to ricochet. Then he murdered it. He admits it was cold-blooded and premeditated.
The police confiscated his gun and gave him a ticket. It is highly unlikely he’ll get more than a fine.
Hinch told the Los Angeles Times he has no regrets.
“It was glorious,” he said. “Angels sung on high.”
Dude, I know that feeling. Yes, I do.
Thanks to Craig for the heads up.
Yeah, we all know the feeling, but I’d rather use a big club or an ax or something. Just squeezing a trigger wouldn’t do it for me.
Reminds me of the guy in Boston who was arrested for taking a flamethrower to the snow because he couldn’t put up with “four million tons of white [BS].”
1My old friend the Computer Guru always called them Hell, not Dell. I’ve only ever used one to take an MS Word test. I’m a Mac gal.
2Reminds me of the printer sceneage in Office Space. I wonder sometimes if these devices aren’t programmed intentionally to be-devil, thwart, and confuse.
3I had a Dell once. I understand this guy.
4This gentleman has had his 15 minutes plus a whole lot of News time fame here in CO. I know the feeling … I just replaced my computer on the 14th … the old one finally refused to reboot after it froze and I tried to start it up again!!
5Dells aren’t quite that bad. The ones I really hate to work on are Sonys.
6I fix computers for a living and I can tell you about some bad ones.
I shot the PC But I didn’t shoot no Apple
I shot the PC But I didn’t shoot no Apple
My Dell always hated me And now, I am in jail
For every time I booted up It asked Abort, Retry or Fail?
It said Abort, Retry and Fail!
But I say!
Freedom came my way one day ‘Cuz Apple’s not the same
Unlike Dell it never says Bad command or file name
Bad command, or file name
But I say!
I shot my PC An’ I swear until my dying breath
I shot my PC ‘Cuz that Blue Screen was marked for Death
Blind rage got the better of me But what is to be must be
Never again will my anger show Over a stack underflow
For the killing of a stack underflow
I say!
I shot the PC But I didn’t shoot no Apple
7I shot the PC But I didn’t shoot no Apple
I shot the PC Now my mission is complete
I shot the PC No more Alt Control Delete
I say!
Like Elvis in the 1960’s when he shot his TV, Lucas Hinch is a folk hero dealing with the frustrations* all of us feel from time to time in the 21st century. Although, I suspect most of us wouldn’t resort to a 17th century solution.
*typed on a Dell
8I’ve had damn near every computer known to mankind over the years. Sometimes it really was the hardware that wasn’t worth a plug nickel but most of the time it was the software. There is a very good reason why my kids pronounce m i c r o s o f t as micro-suick! I have both the aforementioned on my Mac as well as Pages. I love Pages and would like to use it totally but I find that if I send something done in Pages to someone with Microsoft installed on their machine, it can turn into a most unwelcome problem. Strange things appear or don’t appear. Next question: is this guy every but ever going to invest in another computer? I hate to say this but they are essential if you are into hard-fire communication.
9thanks for the Ballad of Lucas Hinch, daChipster.
10May his Dell rest in techno-piece s.
Having worked on Dell systems (at my workplace) for well over 12 years now, I can understand the gentleman’s frustration with the computer. Mine usually came from their supposed “help” desk… which for a while I had properly trained when I called up. “Don’t ask me to reboot, don’t ask me to follow these steps, I’ve already done that and a whole lot more, just send me the g*dd*mned hardware I’m requesting to fix the machine with. I have a lot more experience in fixing computers than you do, and don’t even think to treat me like the average user.”
11When I worked at the Big Crooked E, we had boatloads and boatloads of Compaq PC’s and if the windows on the 6th floor would have opened, and I had a long enough extension cord, I’d have given serious thought to tossing it out the window with the power on so that it would know it was about to die die die die! I felt similarly about a Gateway “Profile” but it had already swallowed its 2nd video board in a month and wouldn’t have known what was coming. The Dells we get here have been mostly reliable although one had to have its motherboard replaced a month after it arrived.
12i fantasize regularly about heaving my laptop out the second story window and down the steep bluff it overlooks. and it’s not even a Dell!
13I have an old hand-cranked Toshiba laptop that has been exceptionally reliable. I finally took the cover/LCD off entirely and plugged it into a 20″ HP display to make it easier on the old eyeballs. Still running Windows XP and Office 2003. Not fast, not glitzy, but Works For Me.
14i did the same thing to my 3rd husband.
15I had a Dell and understand
16Along with several others here, Dell is the reason I am using a Mac Book.
17Maggie, that’s because Pages can import Microsoft Word files pretty well, but Word is still pretty stupid when it comes to importing Pages documents. For your frustrated acquaintances who still use Windows machines and Word, you can use Export to save your Pages document in a Word format that they can read.
In Pages, go to the dropdown menu and select . In the new pane that opens, you can select a filename with the Word extension .doc (for older Word versions 2004 and earlier) or .docx (for more recent versions).
18yellowdoggranny wins the internet today. I has spoken.
19DaChip try the cadence w “Macintosh.”
Years ago when I was an Aggieland student I had to keep a bunch of mismatched PC CPUs and cords and printers and elderly monitors more or less useable in a classroom we glorified by calling it “the computer laboratory” *snort*, and one of my fondest little daydreams was to fill one of the more obnoxious CPUs with ketchup and fling it off the fourth floor of the Hort building where it would make a satisfying “bloody” mess upon impact…but alas, it was only a dream.
I did know someone who “murdered” his Sharp stereo upon his graduation by running over it several times with his Honda Shadow 750…sprayed parts all over the apt parking lot while laughing maniacally. If I recall correctly the event was thoroughly lubricated with Wild Turkey, but it’s been a long time!
20Guns don’t kill computers. MICROSOFT kills computers.
21@Aggieland Liz
There’s an ad on DFW teevee for Kay Jewelers whose tagline is “Every Kiss begins with Kay”. My contrary experience is that in parts of Texas in which I spent my late teens and early 20s most “Every Kiss begins with” Wild Turkey.
22Micr-that lends credence to the theory a kiss is upper persuasion for lower invasion.
23The ticket he got was for discharging a firearm within city limits. Now understand this was in Colorado Springs, the hotbed of Conservatism in Colorado due to all the military, retired and otherwise, Focus on the Family and other religious megathief organizations based there. Their State Lege delegation has been referred to as the House Crazies for decades… but somehow they have the forethought to know that folks should not fire guns within City Limits. Take Note Texas.
24with every failed hard part that can only be replaced by a genuwine dell part and not a “standard” part(such as a power supply) i can understand the man’s fustration
25Buy a computer with ChromeOS (chromebook, chromebox, chromebase) and you don’t have to worry about all this. It just works. And it’s cheap. I had doubts early on, but after buying some, I’m sold. I don’t spend hours watching updates download & install, I don’t scream and swear, I just get done what I need to get done.
26I’ve had Dell desktop and laptop computers, I totally understand the feeling….
I typed this on my MacBook and, “Once You Go Mac… You Never Go Back!”
Oh let me tell you about my 5 year old MacBook 2.4 Ghz Intel Core 2 Duo with 4 GB Ram and a 480 GB SSD Hard Drive that goes from “Cold Off” to On-Line Downloading in 8 Seconds!
Try that with any PC!
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