Yeah, Because Jim Bob Has a Damn Right to See Some Boobies
What the hell is America coming to?
Derrick Belcher, a 45 year old man who lives in Alabama, knows what America is coming to – a hunk of pure-dee dog crap, that’s what America is coming to.
Derrick started the secessionist movement in Alabama because goldarn govmint is ruining his life with taxes and socialism and whatnot.
Derrick is a realistic man. He doesn’t think that just Alabama seceding will work too good. However …
“I don’t think any one state can stand alone. But if we’ve got 20 of them, then that starts to be something ,” Belcher said. “If you look at a map of the red states, we have all of the oil and we produce all of the food. We’re the ones that are carrying the rest of the nation.”
Yep, that worked out real well during that Civil War thing.
But mainly Derrick hates all that government regulation stuff.
Belcher blamed the government for shutting down his former business. Belcher said his Euro Details car wash, which featured topless women, was successful for a decade on Halls Mill Road in Mobile. But he said he was arrested and charged with obscenity by city officials in 2001.
“The government ripped my business away, and now they’re choking America to death with rules and regulations,” he said.
I have something I want to say to Derrick. Derrick, you got to look at hills, and maybe even mountains, of ta-tas for ten years over there on Halls Mill Road in Mobile Aladamnbama. Looking at your picture, that’s waaaaay more ta-tas that you could have seen on your own. Take your memories and shut the hell up.
I doubt Derrick will take my advice because he seems damned and determined to make a fool of himself.
“I’ve never taken a dime from the government. I’ll starve before I take a handout. That’s what being a true American is all about.”
Irony alert: Derrick is a truck driver, who apparently thinks libertarian elves build roads when no one is looking.
And ….
He said the petition got a jump start at a gun and knife show held at the Greater Gulf State Fairgrounds last weekend.
Why am I not surprised?
Thanks to Kary for the heads up.
I always thought Alabama was thoroughly Republican right down to dogcatcher. If so, that would mean the tight-ass Republicans shut down his titty car wash. How would that justify Derrick’s push to secede now? Maybe he sees too much melatonin in high elected offices? Just asking.
1My grandfather paved roads in northwest Indiana in the early 20th century, which is a lovely memory for me. But you’ve given me a giggle with the image of “libertarian elves.” Thanks, Juanita!
2He’s 45??? Wow. Those aren’t highway miles…
3Does he not realize that the city government Will be seceding along with the state?
4“Libertarian elves” — I see Ron Paul in a green suit & cap!
5Not a dime? OK, Derrick has renounced social security, medicare, police and fire protection, emergency medical treatment, safe water to brush his teeth (assuming he still has teeth) and on and on.
6In one of my trips around the block, I’ve been to a southern titty bar, or two. Not one of those ‘Gentlemen’s Clubs’, but a real live grubby southern one. Dusting off those old memories, I find myself wondering how much farther a ‘dancer’ would have to ‘drop’ (literally!) to work in a titty car wash???
7Dude would have to be drunk 24/7 to miss Those boobies!
I think the obscenity charge was just an effort to clean up the the town’s vista..
Derrick thinks that the south has all the oil and supplies all the food? I suggest that he just one time leave Alabama and travel a bit – which I doubt he ever has. If he comes to California I’ll be glad to take him on a tour of food farming – little companies like Del Monte. He might learn something.
8How could this fellow not have been trotted out on stage at the Republican National Convention? For starters, he’s a small business job creator. Then through no fault of his own he’s put out of business by big government regulations (or in this case small government) (but government none the less). He coulda been Joe the Plumber of 2012!
9Exactly Twain. As soon as he said that I went huh? Is he nuts? Sorry to disillusion him but bad management aside CA is (or was) considered the 7th largest country economy wise. Someone want to tell him that we have refineries and oil out here in addition to growing most of the countries food? What a twit.
10Education is costly, stupid is free. This guy must have saved a lot of money.
11Don’t you love the idiots that have been calling “us” un-patriotic all these years are the ones screaming for secession.
12Mr. Belcher, who was president for all but two or three weeks in 2001? George W! Funny how those Republicans ruined your life!
13He needs to look at more maps of the red states, the ones that show that Alabama has a big percentage of people living in poverty, that they take in more federal dollars (from the blue states), ranks in the lowest tier of education, one of the highest in infant mortality and divorce rates. And, what’s that “we” stuff about producing food? I’m sure he’s not about to work the fields once they get rid of all the undocumented workers. Also, I once saw a chart that shows Alabama searching as much for free online porn as religious stuff; even though almost 1/3 of Alabama doesn’t have access to the internet.
14I’m wondering if car washing was the only thing going on at Euro Details.
Inquiring minds ….
15The most notable boon in this story is the geezer in front of the computer
16Boob not boon. I get really discombobulated when I discuss boobs
17Sam, perhaps you mean “discomboobulated?”
18Or “disJimBobulated”…
19I like that good ol’ ‘merican name of his bidness, too….
20Well California grows alot of produce and Colorado produces beef and the Dakotas grow wheat for bread and hops for beer, so yeah go ahead with your secession plans.
And please don’t evah take a dime from the government and I mean it hear! Obama’s “free stuff” ain’t for you anyway; me and JJ already got claims on the ponies.
OK Derrick who’s the boob now?
Love and cinnamon toast,
21LongRider