Y’all, It’s Fred Biery Again
Chief U.S. District Judge Fred Biery, a Clinton appointee, is famous in Texas for writing the best damn opinions in Texas. They are smart and entertaining.
He’s done it again.
The legal issue was the clubs’ request for a preliminary injunction that would block enforcement of a city ordinance. That ordinance requires that exotic dancers in certain establishments wear bikini tops instead of pasties.
In what he called The Case of the Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Bikini Top v. the (More) Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Pastie, Chief U.S. District Judge Fred Biery denied the clubs’ request. In doing so, he certainly had some fun writing his opinion.
And please don’t forget to read the footnotes. They may be the best part of this amazing legal document.
Fred Biery has caught our attention before now. There’s here. And here.
He makes me so proud to be a Texan. And even a little proud f having married a lawyer and given birth to one.
LOL!!!
1His puns and sneaky way of using the double entendre are priceless. I would really like to meet this man.
I’m going to chuckle all the rest of the day!
Gentleman – used loosely indeed!
Magnificent! There’s no topping this judge!
2This just showed up on my NPR feed and without even reading the article, I popped straight over here. Yup. JJ had already commented! Some thing, y’know, you. Just. Know.
LOL!
3Beautiful use of language and elegant use of quotations and subtitling. Thank you so much for sharing!
4You have to believe he loves his job. Loved the footnote about “Gentleman” being defined loosely.
I can imagine the person assigned to reading endless boring briefs stumbling on this one and having his day brightened.
5Love it! Thanks, JJ.
6While funny, a proofreader would have helped. There is a difference between site and sight.
7Out of curiosity, how’s his ERA with rulings that have been appealed to a higher court?
8I say that strip clubs oughta allow women artists in to do drawings; to do otherwise is discriminatory.
9Judge Biery covered the issue pretty well. Maybe not entirely from head to toe, but certainly the two main points.
10I wasn’t ten seconds into this when I literally spit out my cocktail. You know–with the whole thing about the semi-nude dancers literally falling into the court’s lap—again.
I love Judge Biery.
11I can see where the SOB’s (sexually oriented businesses) might take umbrage at the judge’s failure to take their claim seriously, but nude dancing is really stretching the first amendment right to free expression.
12His honor gave it just the amount of seriousness which it deserved.
I love Judge Biery too and always appreciate his rulings, and this one was terrific.
According to the San Antonio Express-News, a couple of law professors, while agreeing with the ruling, did not think it was humorous and thought it seemed “less erudite than a matter of showing off.” In addition, the Express-News article stated that the strip clubs’ attorney, despite being disappointed with the ruling, called Biery’s opinion “one of the most entertaining I’ve ever seen.”
Many attorneys and judges take themselves far too seriously.
13Any court ruling which quotes “To Kill A Mockingbird” ought to be etched in stone. The judge had waaayyyy too much fun writing this opinion, but his reasoning was also impeccable. Love it.
14One wonders whether the Tea Party crowd will take to the streets to protest these burdensome government regulations.
Funny how they bitterly oppose zoning ordinances for fertilizer factories, but not for “Gentlemens’ Clubs” (As no gentlemen would enter such an establishment, why call them that?)
Also, shouldn’t the National Rifle Association be on this? If saying the word “Second Amendment” is enough to justify owning a 155mm howitzer for hunting, shouldn’t strip clubs be protected by the First Amendment?
15In a perfect world, Justice Scalia would whirl off this mortal coil and be replaced by Judge Biery. The Supremes could use a little pizzazz.
16What a great pity that woman do not have as powerful an effect on our society as their breasts do.
17I do hope Nancy Yates (#7, site vs sight) was only pretending not to get it.
18A Federal Judge, without a sense of humor, in Texas….. would go nuts…. Given the Attornery General, and his love of filing law suits.
You got to love this man.
19Now this brought a chuckle out of me this morning. Who cares if some legal folks sneer at the opinion, it’s funny, it’s a delight to read, and it has buried in it a gem of a comment:
“An Appendix is attached for those interested in a lengthy exposition, those who wish to appeal and those who suffer from insomnia.”
Gotta love it.
20I thank you kindly for introducing me to the writings of a judge who not only has common sense, but a sense of humor. I have passed it on to a few lawyers up here in Maine who just might appreciate your blog and the inimitable Judge Biery.
21But his opinion was wrong! He should have ruled that neither was required. What is wrong with bare breasts?
22Great Judges sometimes write humorously, probably for no other reason that to break the tension of their existence. to wit:
Fisher v. Lowe, 333 N.W.2d 67 (Mich. Ct. App. 1983)
http://ssbea.mercer.edu/blanke/general/Fisher.htm
JUDGES: Bronson, P.J., and V. J. Brennan and J. H. Gillis, JJ.
OPINION:
We thought that we would never see
A suit to compensate a tree.
A suit whose claim in tort is prest
Upon a mangled tree’s behest;
A tree whose battered trunk was prest
Against a Chevy’s crumpled crest;
A tree that faces each new day
With bark and limb in disarray;
A tree that may forever bear
A lasting need for tender care.
Flora lovers though we three,
We must uphold the court’s decree.
Apparently the original filing rhymed as well
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