So there’s this Republican down in Florida who lost his mind in the swamp.  It happens.

His name is Rep. Cliff Steans and he’s got one of the nicest comb overs in congress.  I dunno if they give an award for that, but if they did, he’d win even with the other competition.

So Cliff thinks the government needs money, except not any of his.  So, he’s come up with a money-making scheme.

Cliff wants to sell our national parks.  You know, like Six Flags Over Yosemite.

Ken Burnes did a great series on PBS called The National Parks:  America’s Best Idea.  Cliff must have missed that, because he’s all geared-up for The Grand Canyon Waterslide or the Carlsbad Caverns Megachurch or the Grand Tetons Topless Club or maybe The Glacier Bay Ice Machine.

And you know how I know that Teddy Roosevelt could not be a Republican today?

Republican presidential candidates have also recently been confused about the tangible and intangible values of our national parks and public lands.  Mitt Romney told the Reno Gazette-Journal that he doesn’t know “what the purpose is” of public lands, Rick Santorum told Idahoans that public lands should go “back to the hands” of the private sector, and Ron Paul advocated for public lands to be turned over to the states.

You wanna talk about prying something from my cold dead hands?  If one of these sumbitches even looks in the general direction of Big Bend, there’s gonna be more trouble than you can stir with Mt. Saint Helens.

Thanks to Beth for the heads-up.