by Primo Encarnación

You know those unsolicited newsletters you get from people you no longer know going on about what a wonderful year they had, how marvelous their kids are, and Merry Christmas, your life sucks next to mine?

I used to think the only things worse than those were the ones that say how horrible their year was, how all their kids are sick, or in jail, and Happy New Year, maybe I won’t kill myself in 2016.

I was wrong: THIS is worser, still.

Only a flying egomaniac covering up a deep sense of inadequacy like Ben Carson is would commission a special lithograph especially for you, so that he can show how special it is to him that you think he is special. Unfortunately, it’s not true to life… you can actually see his eyeballs, which seem to follow you, even into your dreams.

Mental Ben: the comically creepy gift of the season.