Will The Meeting Please Come to Order
The Proprietor and Staff of The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., in upscale downtown Richmond, Texas, wish to announce the following:
Through the miracle of modern journalism we have just been informed that Senator Ted Cruz of the formerly Great State of Texas is going to announce tomorrow that he’s running for President of the United Damn States of America.
We are thrilled.
Ever since we heard Ted’s father, Rafael, announce that his son was “anointed to bring about a great transfer of wealth” we have breathlessly waited to see if we’re gonna be on the gettin’ or the givin’ end of that deal because Thelma needs new trailer and Verdelia has her eye on a leopard skinned golf cart.
We could use some wealth.
It’s always fun to have a seriously deranged man run for President.
Honey, when this one falls, it’s gonna spectacular. I’m talking fireworks and crepe paper.
And to memorialize his days of wandering the dorm halls at Harvard in his paisley housecoat, John built us this.
This is gonna be a blast, y’all!
Just be careful of answered prayers.
1Let me see…first it was Sarah, then Mitt, and now Ted? Maybe they still haven’t figured out that business about what God is telling them…don’t let that open door…well, you know the rest.
2I don’t know why we should come to order; the respected part of govmint the cruzer belongs to hasn’t since he got there.
I started seeing a billboard that said “Run, Ted, Run” on it south of Fort Worth a few weeks ago and wanted to add “back to Canada” on it, but I guess it’s too late for that…
3Serious question folks: Does the sight of him make anyone physically ill like it does me? I am not kidding
4J J, I’m sorry to say it , but Teddy was at Princeton when he
5did the housecoat thing, not Harvard.
Maybe he wore it there too? I’d sure like to hope we could spread him around a bit.
JJ, I’m present and accounted for, but my faith in the intelligence of the voters in these United States is very quickly eroding.
Has Cretin Cruz ever been that thin?
6Daffy Cruz, Jr. the Canadian born Cuban refugee lover of all things Bibi, a true ǝʇɐʇsodɐ uɐɔᴉɹǝɯ∀.
7Perhaps his campaign song can be the theme from Monty Python’s sketch “Dennis Moore”
“He steals from the poor – and gives to the rich…”
8Well, this is almost as good as Christmas Eve! I’ve been hoarding jokes for awhile now and tomorrow I can start delivering them!
Thanks Ted! And Rafael! And GOP!
Yea! Break out the sparkly shoes ’cause I wanna dance!
9You aren’t going to be so thrilled when he wins in 2016 with 42% of the popular vote. His constituency consists of people completely unconcerned with facts — they only care for what they see is their tribe and stick it to the libs. And there is still a lot of them out there.
Case in point: See how many fine citizens that were insisting that if someone was born in Kenya they could not be eligible to be president object to Cruz’s place of birth.
Case in point: Watch how many Republicans take and get full credit for the economic recovery. In their view it will have happened in spite of Obama not because of him.
I could go on but it is too much of a downer.
10When Ted Cruz enters the rest of America to campaign, I believe the average reaction will be: “Toto, pay no attention to the man behind the paisley housecoat. He’s not in Texas anymore!”
11Gov Brown on Cruz and his lack of a brain!
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2015/03/22/1372530/-Governor-Jerry-Brown-on-Ted-Cruz-that-man-betokens-such-a-level-of-ignorance
12Did not know that birds can gang up and kill each other, even the really fabulous looking ones like cockatoos can be overcome by two smaller but just as good or better looking birds. When I think of the coming retinue of Rethug primary candidates, that two on one bird visions springs to mind, complete with unearthly screeching and a blizzard of flying feathers spotted with blood. With the growing number of buzzards landing in a very small ring, this is going to be bloody! Children should not be allowed to view this stuff! I’m betting the major networks will not be fighting among themselves to telecast this fiasco. Cue Trump to buy his own TV network just for his own campaign. Bleahhhh! May the better raptor win!
13Fred, whatta great quote to start out my day! Thank you so much for the heads-up on that one!! As for Ted Cruz announcing his presidential run, well, I suppose someone has to replace Michelle Bachmann in the Republican Clown Car this year, hmm? Get out the popcorn and sodapop, folks, and tune in to the Greatest Show on Earth (where is PT Barnum, now that we need him?).
14So… is Cruz also running for re-election to the Senate? This flame out will be more fun to watch than the Gov Ooooops crash and burn.
15Gonna be interesting in my husband’s family. One nephew is a Liberty Univ grad, his niece is currently a student there. Serious Evangelical, homeschooled kids…. who are good kids, but don’t live in the real world. Can’t wait to get their take on our Senator who is proselytizing to their student body Monday.
16Adrian, I’m with you; Cruz makes me sick to my stomach, and that photo with THAT caption could be a serious diet aid, because now I’m not sure I can eat anything for about the next 24 hours. JJ, how about not showing it to us ever again? We’ve seen it at least twice now, and it takes too much eyewash and brain bleach for me to recover each time.
17Does this help his recovery from stupidity?
18All the dystopian fiction in the world wouldn’t prepare me to face a President Cruz–just typing that made my stomach lurch.
19Anybody anywhere actually take this goon seriously? Unless he can gerrymander every independent,liberal and sane rethuglican? voter in a single state,he has absolutely no chance of winning the electoral college. His looks aren’t going to garner him any votes. He is dumber than dirt on practical matters. And he is less ‘murrican than Obama is according to his standards.
20Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t he born in Canada? Is he eligible to even be president? I say that only half-joking as the birthers spent so much time on Obama’s place of birth. I suppose you only have to be naturalized if you are a Democrat. Or is that only if you are not white?
21All I can hope for is that whatever dollars…. what ever idiots pour into an “Elect Cruz President” campaign ….. are dollars that won’t be sent to…. or spent by…. a “semi” legitimate Republican candidate…. for the office of the presidency.
Might be an upside to this farce…. after all.
22I still want to see his birth certificate, on a long form that meets my standards. What is sauce for the Goose is sauce for the Cuban.
23I’m with the five year old niece on this one. When she looked over my shoulder and saw a photo of Ted on a website she said,
“That man gives me the chicken bumps all over my arms.”
Out of the mouths of babes.
24“Run, Ted, run” … the ultimate wish of late night comedians and HRC.
http://www.flowgo.com/funny/6660_2008-hillary-president.html
25MAY THE FARCE BE WITH US.
26After his announcement, I’m betting there won’t be a big dollar conservative donor to be found. It’ll be Crickets for Cruz. He’ll have to depend on his father, preaching from one Dominionist podium to the next, for a base.
And, Adrian Canales, I get that same “revulsion to the point of nausea” feeling of which you speak.
27Well, he can’t pick Louie Gohmert to be his VP, unfortunately. The Constitution forbids it. But the Republicans often cite that unread document to further their goals.
28For a Harvard grad that did law clerking for William Rhenquist at the Supreme Court, Ted Cruz sure appears to be a very stupid man. The only excuse I can think of is that the Billionaires want him to be like that.
Just the thought of that horrible possibility makes me nauseous.
Go, Hillary.
29actually being a GOP man, the last decent gop candidate was richard nixon. the gop has put forth some of the least qualified people starting with the B movie actor ronnie raygun.
30He slimes his way across the floor, oozing smarm from every pore.
31That’s it, Kate, slime! Who you gonna call, to eradicate this slimeball? Slime Busters! I’ll bet Dan Aakroyd and Bill Murray are available for this job.
32Kudos to John for once again making our stomachs turn at the sight of him.
33What an answered prayer! I WANT this buffoon to run. I want him to announce early. A presidential run is a marathon not a dash. The candidate and his every family member, friend and acquaintance will be photographed, dusted for fingerprints, DNA tested and cross-examined by the leering press and the behind the scenes operatives of the other candidates, GOP and Dem alike. Dems should certainly critique but the should document everything the other GOP candidate dig up and hurl at Senator Cruz. This is an election wherein politics is played as a contact sport. Game on!
34Atheist me saw this in my morning feed and hollered, “Praise, Jeebus, there IS a God!”
I’ll even start attending church every Easter Sunday if He gives me Cruz/ Bachmann 2016. Bring on da noise, bring on da funk, bring on da cray, y’all!!
35I only wish that I thought enough of my fellow citizens to be absolutely certain that, if by some disastrous happening he should be nominated, he would lose.
36Yep, want to see birth certificate and also all sorts of legal beagles crawling over his eligibility. He is nauseating and possibly probably ineligible. But he has tons of folks smearing the name of Christian who are supporting him. What’s our strategy?
37Huh? Why can’t Louie be his VP if they actually think Cruz is eligible? I don’t know these things.
38p.s again aNd I’ll hush. Go google BOROWITZ REPORT.
39There are two rules that prohibit a Cruz/Gohmert ticket: Amendment 12 says the President and Vice President can’t be from the same state. That’s why Darth Cheney said he was from Wyoming and the Shrub was from Texas. Also, I think the Comedians of America have a rule about excessive humor.
40Is that Bill Murray?
41Never underestimate the power of utter stupidity . . . in either a candidate or an electorate. The midterm elections were proof of that.
42Didn’t Sarah Palin say she was the chosen one. Or maybe it was Bachman. Funny how republicans think God is on their side yet they lost the election and reelection to the black man in the white house. Maybe they’ll lose to a woman this time. We can only pray. Please send in the clown show. Crazyville train is readying to take off.
43Serious question folks: Does the sight of him make anyone physically ill like it does me? I am not kidding
44I seriously want to know if he’s eligible to run. From what I understand “natural born citizen” hasn’t been thoroughly nailed down. There’s some paperwork that has to be filed in a timely manner if you are born in another country with one US parent and there has been some chatter that it wasn’t filed by the Cruzes. So, it should be fun!
45Adrian,
46Yep, Senator Smirks-a-lot makes me sick too.
Can’t imagine him POTUS!
Thank you, Lyntilla. I’m that way too. He is icky. That’s a technical term that means unpleasant to touch, smell, look at, or generally have in one’s possession. Blech. Is that an adjective to go with icky? And when he talks it makes me think of preachers I’ve walked out on in my lifetime. Blech and blech again.
47Just a little factual tidbit, or so I’ve been told: There are in the USA at least two kinds of vultures: black vultures and turkey vultures. Black vultures are very aggressive and will eat small animals. Turkey vultures are laid back and wait till there’s something edible there. Turkey vultures are called peace eagles by some people.
48Ever smell or touch a spoiled piece of chicken…kind of a stinky clamminess that make you want to wash your hands with lava soap, and try to get the stench out of your mind.
That’s our Cuban cowboy
49Please stop claiming that Cruz is ineligible because he was born in Canada. Courts have generally held that “natural-born citizen” means a citizen at birth. The Immigration and Naturalization Act of 1965 defined a citizen at birth under several categories. One of those is:
50(g) a person born outside the geographical limits of the United States and its outlying possessions of parents one of whom is an alien, and the other a citizen of the United States who, prior to the birth of such person, was physically present in the United States or its outlying possessions for a period or periods totaling not less than five years, at least two of which were after attaining the age of fourteen years….
Link
There are a lot of reasons why Cruz shouldn’t be President. This isn’t one.