Last night, for two looong boring hours, Texas Senatorial candidates attempted to out mumble each other on statewide teevee.

It was like watching a school play your kid isn’t in.  Even Democrat Paul Sadler, who I love, needed a glitter enema.  He should learn from Bill White that if you’re gonna run successfully in Texas, you need a dog and pony show.  And it helps if your dog knows a few tricks and your pony ain’t dead. I love you, Paul, but at the next debate I’m going to hold a Bic lighter under your tail.

Ted cruz, He's Here Because He Ain't All There

The only slightly interesting part was Republican Ted Cruz, who is currently filling the anti-mental health vacuum of leadership in Texas, try to swat David Dewhurst with a short stick.  At one point in the debate, Cruz tried to claim that fracking cannot possibly be dangerous because it’s done “thousands of miles underground.”  I suspect he left his ruler at home.

The Texas towns of Colleyville and Southlake would humbly like to disagree with Ted Cruz. Independent studies there have shown that fracking is trying real hard to kill them.

Gordon Aalund, an MD with toxicology training who lives in Southlake and practices emergency medicine said, “Exceeding long and short term exposure limits to these toxics places us all at increased and unneeded risk.” He went on to say, “When your government fails to protect you and the company cannot be trusted, private citizens are forced to act.”

The only thing thousands of miles underground is Ted Cruz’s soul.

And Craig James, the former pro football player and current entertainment promoter, might turn out to be a little fun.  He believes that everyone in America can be rich if they just work hard enough and can play pro football, which kinda leaves me out.  He wants a corporate tax rate of 0%.  He’s kinda Michelle Bachmann with a few more concussions.

And David Dewhurst was David Dewhurst – a white bread and mayo kind of guy.  He’s creepy.