Somebody needs to get Greta Van Susteren a dictionary so she can look up the word hypocrite.

Apparently, and I say apparently because I can’t watch Fox News without looking like that poor girl in The Exorcist and Thelma calling a priest which only makes matters worse because then I get a lecture about how could I donate to Planned Parenthood because they kill babies so then I get all hacked-off and start hollering that the only man I trust in a dress is Ru Paul so the Pope can kiss my butt and sell some of that art he’s got to feed hungry children and Verdelia, who is a Southern Baptist, starts hitting the priest with her Bible and calling him a pervert and by then the film crew of C.O.P.S shows up and my hair looks a mess and we have no one in the beauty salon in a sleeveless tee-shirt so C.O.P.S. isn’t interested in putting us on teevee which hacks off Thelma because she wants to be a teevee star in the worst way so she goes after the priest with a pair of scissors hollering, “You want a man in a sleeveless tee-shirt? I can get you a man in a sleeveless tee-shirt in 3 minutes.” so the priest takes off running and Thelma, who is Texas’ only hairdresser on roller derby skates has pretty good odds of catching him unless he cuts across Billy Hank Krolchek’s cow field where Billy Hank is now keeping a bull and what happens after this gets a little foggy because a priest running from a bull generally draws a crowd. The last time I watched Fox news this ended with Lisa Lynn going to jail for assault with a toilet seat, which is a whole ‘nother story.   So, I can’t watch Fox News.  I think city counsel passed a law against it.

Anyway, Greta apparently couldn’t understand how Rick Perry could run a teevee ad calling Rick Santorum a “pig,” after saying that Rick Santorum was his friend and that he prays every night for Santorum’s daughter, Bella, who has a serious genetic condition.

Perry responded to Greta’s question by saying, “In Iowa, they love pigs.”

Yeah, but not as much as a bull chasing a priest followed by a woman on roller skates with a large pair of scissors with intent to accessorize.  We’ve pretty much got the market cornered on that in Texas.  However, Thelma says that the next time I watch Fox news, she’s gonna call a Governor instead of a priest.

Good plan, Thelma.  We could sell tickets of Rick Perry running from a bull.