I have talked to you before about the Crouch Family Values.

They are a multimillion dollar teevee evangelist couple who spend most of their money on hair.  All kinds of hair.  Lotsa hair.  Sadly, they don’t spend any of that hair money at my salon.  Which is probably what’s getting them into trouble.  We own several Protection From Bad Hairdresser Candles here and burn them daily to keep out the bad press and sloppy updos.

The Crouches could use some help in those areas.  It seems that the entire Crouch family is feuding.  And the surprise  – holy cash cow!- is that it’s over money.  This proves, once again, that rightwing religion, money, and big hair don’t mix.  Well, sure, chemically they do, but the resulting reaction when you do mix them stinks up the entire science wing of the building.

I’m one of those regular kind of Christians – you know, the ones with backsliding blisters on our butts who fall short of the glory of God every day.  I don’t have all the answers, but I do know one of the questions.  Man’s first question to God was, “Am I my brother’s keeper?”  The answer was – are you nuts?  Of course you are.  Why else do you think I put your brother here?  Well, actually, the answer was Yes but I tend to be a little more Southern than God.

As far as prosperity gospel goes, I think Sweet Jesus talked a whole lot about giving and very little about taking.

Now, I’m not preaching here but I think there’s a real special place in the land of Nod, east of Eden, for those who use the Bible as their ATM machine.  Plus, you lose your family, which in the case of Junior Janochek, Jr. would not be a bad thing, but for the rest of us, that stinks.

If your preacher’s name holds a highly place than Jesus’ name on the front of the building, gather up your stuff and get the Nod outta there.  I think that’s good advice.  You might need a lot of things to get by in life, but giving your money to a big haired woman with a special air conditioned motor home for her dogs ain’t one of them.   You’re just gonna have to trust me on this one.