Weekend Playground: Pitch In a Helping Hand, Please
Okay, it’s holiday season but I still have a deadline for OutSmart. I’m working on two Top Ten Lists. Pitch in to help if you have time.
#1: Great names for Donald Trump. Of course, Cheetos Jesus is on the list. I also like Mein Fubar, Festering Slab of Conservative Slime, Prima Donald, Bratman, and Hair Fuhrer. Do you have any favorites? You know, besides Mango Mussolini, which is kinda cool.
#2: I am certain that the minute Trump takes office, he will change or repeal all the laws of physics.
Like,
Space distance is no long measured in light years, but in newly discovered Tweet Time, making it the fastest damn thing in the universe.
All laws of thermochemistry are changed to just one, making test day much easier: Spray Tan is not forbidden to streak in summer heat.
Einstein’s field equation will describe the curvature of space-time due to mass-energy equivalent to the gravitational field and funniness ratio of Saturday Night Live.
Change the Theory of Relativity to mean: if you’re a relative, you have a job.
The Law of Gravity now means that Jesus wants you to sit down.
Kellyanne’s Corollary: and shuddup.
You get the idea. And I am certain that your ideas are way better than mine.
#1: “Hair Gröpenführer” (I first saw the “g-word” used by GB Trudeau in a Sunday Doonesbury not too long ago, though I’ve encountered it elsewhere since.)
#2: Every statement has an equal and opposite action (though, to be honest, I’m pretty sure the Rape-Public-Cons re-wrote this one years ago already).
1I’ve been calling him the Cheeto Benito or the Tangerine Nightmare.
2The new administration is looking for a head of the IRS: preferably someone who hasn’t paid taxes in 20 years. Cheeto-faced Twatwaffle isn’t available, but surely there’s an domestically abusive CEO somewhere looking for a way to screw someone over.
3Not just the law of physics, but of mathematics as well. Such as “From now on, pi will officially be 3.1417. That’s it. No more of that smarty pants crap about being a number without end.”
4Great name for trump: Glorious Orange Leader.
5In light of the most recent revelations of Russian hacking I’d add Donnei Trumpov to the list. Orange jeezus, for those coal miners and others who believed his lies and thought he would save them from evil Hillary.
6I like Baldwin’s Trumplethinskin. I also believe the word trump should never be used as a positive accomplishment ever again. I realize that will be hard for bridge players and maybe they can get excused to use it.
7SOB-elect or POS-elect are my go-to titles for that pile of orange crappola.
8I’m too afraid of Mama to write what I’d really like him to be called.
Not sure if it’s true, but I’ve heard he intends to have all voting in the future be by “tweet”, and he will do all the counting.
9Hillary’s lead is up to 2.8 million votes. Let’s call him Loser von SoreWinner.
10The Doppler Effect repealed and replaced with the Dope-ler Effect – the tendency of Trump’s appointees to seem even more scary and less qualified the closer we get to inauguration day.
The Doppler Effect repealed and replaced with the Dope-ler Effect – the tendency of voters to think that a “billionaire” con man is even remotely qualified for the nation’s highest office or gives two dog poops about them the closer we get to election day
11Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle…not anymore, folks. The cat is most definitely dead. Kinda like your hopes and dreams for America over the next four years.
12I think he will take a line from the evangelicals. From now on, every answer to a science test will be “because trump says so”.
13Vulgarmort, though I can’t remember who coined it; it might have been Charlie Pierce.
14Hubble’s Law of Cosmic Expansion now applied to the wealth gap, which will surely expand cosmically.
Archimedes Principle of Buoyancy can now be used to explain the plan to displace to 11 million undocumented immigrants since this policy is incredibly dense.
Okay, I’ll stop now.
15#1. The Scum- Sucking Maggot.
16Putin Puppet and a second for Trumplethinskin.
17Schroettinger’s (dead) cat sits atop his head. The hairspray has embalmed it.
SomedayGirl, I is afeerd the buoyancy problem has been solved. If an ant drowns it is a girl. If it floats it is a buoyant. Don’t blame me this came from a Monday Meme from Alaska some damn place.
18I know it’s not very imaginative, but I gotta go with Donnie Douchebag.
19Hair Drumpf
Get the “Make Donald Drumpf Again” add-in for your browser. It fixes everything.
http://donaldjdrumpf.com
20I was going with Der Kinderfuehrer, but someone added Der Kindergropenfuehrer and I like the way Germans stack words to make new words that sound horrible. To be said while clearing the throat.
21Orange Monster
22Hair Drumpf
OK. Ever since the day after the election and my son was greeted by an opening screen on his computer of fuel face Trump and then declared it felt like he ran into a three inch thick oak door, its been President *****-Grabber around here. And it is not likely to change.
23RA says Donnei Trumpov, Marcia in CO says SOB-elect,
Hey guys, I’ve already been using “Donnei Trumpov” and SOBOTUS (Son Of a Bitch Of The US) around here and elsewhere for weeks.
(original coining use I have no idea, search it; but I only look at a couple of political websites, this is one of them)
They’re my choice(s) for this “Top Ten List” of Ms. JJ’s too:
The punch in the gut of “SOBOTUS” and/or the darkly ironic “Donnei Trumpov”.
In any case, not my effen President…the damned kleptocratic Fascist bastard.
.
Willkommen im Vierten Reich!
24Sieg Heil, Heil Trump! GOP Űber Alles!
Nationalsozialistische Amerikkka Reichsplukotratpartei™ Űber Alles! (NSARPP)
Das tausendjährige Reich!
Willkommen im Merrie Olde Amerikkka, volks.
This is what I yell at the television whenever Mr. Trump is talking.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3foXJfWlgoM
Or if you’d prefer:
25https://www.google.com/search?q=shut+the+fuck+up+donny&rlz=1C1DIMA_enUS674US674&espv=2&biw=1920&bih=950&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjl99S3jOrQAhWGKCYKHYRBA1wQ_AUICCgB&dpr=1#imgrc=y2l2QwUbtP4NzM%3A
Of course, I’m fond of “Dunning J Krueger” “Hair Drumpf” and, as I refuse to use the name professionally any more, “Dat Guy.” As for the laws of space-time: black holes were so called because nothing ever comes out of them – Dis One never shuts up.
26In light of the complete mess being created by the Transition how about ” Mein Dummkopf “
27I’ve been referring to him as the Dung Beetle. Because all he does is gather up sh*t.
28Orange Foolius works. Donnie is a fool and for those that voted for this dufus, “he done foolius” should be their mantra, if they ever succeed in getting oxygen to their brains.
snacilbupeR, rewriting the Law of Gravity. Fall out of tree and go splat. Should be the end of them. But no. They pick up a shovel and keep digging.
29You can use whatever disrespectful, insulting, accurate appellation you choose, but in my heart he will always be President Pussygrabber.
30Lost-to-a-girl Donnie.
31Mr. Trump. Because he’ll never be “President” to me.
Someone out there is using pResident Trump. I like that one.
Somehow he’ll nanage to change mathematics.
321 + 1 will equal 3 for economic growth, but equal -1 for debt growth. It’s complicated… too difficult to explain. Just trust me on this. What have you got to lose?
Make america great again trump you have maggots for short
33Gary St. Arnauld … I say the same thing when KellyAnne Contwit is yapping her fool head off … lying further for that lying SOB-elect.
34epo: That’s an incomplete thought. That’s not like you. What up?
35My favorite nickname is Der Groepenfuehrer.
36KGB Agent Orange
37Many good suggestions, but I still kinda like the Barking Yam.
38“Putin’s Poodle”–based on the CIA report about Russia influencing the election to favor Trump.
Newton’s Third Law (for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction) will be changed to:
For every truth there will be an unequal and inordinately apeshit conspiracy theory that will go viral in nanoseconds and be re-tweeted immediately by President Trump, resulting in men firing assault rifles in pizzerias and walking out unharmed; while unarmed black men pulled over in traffic stops are shot on sight, no questions asked.
39Der Gropenfuhrer. Also, Ferret-wearing orange shitgibbon. Neither of those was created by me, but they’re good ones.
40I refer to that guy as “Don the Con pussy grabber trump”. I thinks that says a lot.
41President Pussygrabber, here.
42Charlie Pierce over on Esquire’s politics beat calls him the Vulgar Talking Yam.
43My nick name for Trump is FaT-rump.
44I opt for the simpleminded, direct sale:
TrumpO! He Has ELECTROLYTES!
45How ’bout Herr Helltoupeé?
46I’m considering calling it the “TP Administration”, allowing readers the option of thinking the “P” stands for either Pence or Putin.
47I refer to him as Herr Orangentrooper.
48President of the Apathetic Democrats?
49Over at Balloon-Juice we’ve got some folks referring to it (won’t even say ‘him’) as TEFA – That Evil F***ing A**hole. With apologies to Mama.
50