.

Not.

WASHINGTON — Democratic sources say the Obama administration has fired the head of the U.S. Minerals Management Service in response to blistering criticism over lax oversight of offshore drilling.

The sources, speaking on condition of anonymity before the official announcement, tell The Associated Press that President Barack Obama will announce the decision Thursday.

“Girl, if that’s the best you can do, turn in your hooters and move out of town like you’ve got a handful of fire,” Juanita says with ice water running through her veins.  “We don’t handle incompetence well.  We’ve had enough under Bush to last a generation or three.”

“And, come to find out, we’ve been lied to all along.  BP’s story was taller than it was wide:  this is the worst oil spill in US history.  I fully understand that the Exxon Valdez was caused by a drunk.  Same deal with this one – except that they were drunk with greed, not alcohol.”

Thelma pipes in, “The clean up is going to harder than trying to get a drink out of a firehose.  Like shooting pool with a calf rope.  Eating jello with chopsticks.  Trying to light a wet match.  Catching a housefly with a tea cup.  Picking up …..”

“We get it,” everyone says in unison.

“Think about it in cosmic terms,” Thelma suggests.  “By the time we get that mess cleaned up, our clothes will be out of style.”

Whoa ….. That hit home.