Way To Go Baseball
For folks who are new around here, the only thing the women at the beauty salon care about more than politics is baseball. In fact, last year we tried to get Juanita Jean Herownself elected to her lifelong goal of being Commissioner of Baseball but team owners had other plans. Damn them.
Which brings us to why we are all saluting the Oakland A’s today. The A’s are having an LGBT night on June 17th. Some A’s ticket holders did not like that. Oakland’s pitcher Sean Doolittle has excellent taste in women. His girlfriend penned this open letter to Oakland fans.
Dear season ticket holders who wish to sell their tickets for LGBT Pride Night,
Everybody is entitled to their own beliefs and as long as nobody is getting hurt, I’m happy. I also can’t stop you from selling your tickets. I won’t tell you that you are wrong or that you are not allowed to think or act that way.
We live in a free country, after all. You are free to think and say and do whatever you’d like. In fact just this morning I used my freedom to eat yogurt with a steak knife because I ran out of clean spoons (because SOMEone forgot to turn on the dishwasher last night). Who was going to stop me? That’s right. Nobody. Nice try bin Laden.
I ended up cutting the corner of my mouth on the knife, and it wasn’t one of my brightest decisions. But I may have just invented a DIY smile enhancement. And I will sue you if you steal my idea. #America
I digress. So, A’s fans; if attending a baseball game on LGBT Pride Night makes you at all uncomfortable, it is probably a good idea to sell your tickets. And I have the perfect buyer. ME!
If you’d like to sell your tickets to June 17th’s LGBT Pride Night game, I will buy them from you at face value. As many as I can. No judgments. No questions asked.
From there, I will donate any tickets I purchase to the Bay Area Youth Center’s Our Space community for LGBTQ youth.
That way you don’t have to feel uncomfortable, and the seats don’t go to waste. It’s win-win.
Please tweet at me (@EireannDolan) if you’d like to sell me your tickets. I’ll purchase as many unwanted tickets as I can out of my own pocket. I also encourage other A’s fans to do the same. Let’s fill the stands that night!
Love,
Eireann and my hella gay moms
If Eireann ever needs a haircut or a job, she has one here. Helluva woman.
Thanks to Brian for the heads up.
Suck on that, Indiana!
1Good on her! That’s the way it oughta be.
2Helluva classy woman!
3Heh. Never piss off a woman. Or a baseball fan. Or a friend of the LGBT community. She’ll kill ya with kindness and make you look like real fool you are.
A big Mexican Coke toast to Eireann. The classiest girlfriend in MLB! Well, done!
4For those of us who can’t donate tix, we can donate $ here:
http://www.gofundme.com/qeuuz4
5You tell ’em, sister!
6I hate the A’s. But I totally support Eireann Dolan. Y’all are right. Classy. Helluva woman. Well done.
7Genuine real live person with thoughts and empathy, really loves baseball~all the success~
8I must say that she has a great idea, good for her. Better than “Bat Day” at the NY Yankees, where no one said, “What could possibly go wrong?”.
9Way to go. The lady has more class than I do, though that puts her in a big group. A gentle and kind way to deal with the haters.
10Thanks Lorraine! I read this to my husband with the comment, that I’d like to help her with costs, now I know how!
11What a girl! I’d be proud to have her for a sister, sister-in-law, daughter, or just plain friend! Showing us all the way!
12FYI, the fundraiser has passed $23,000!
13He should marry her, fast, so she doesn’t get away!
14Was the 180th person yesterday to make a donation on the GoFundIt site when the total was slightly over $8,000. Just checked and the total is almost $23,500 from more than 600 donors.
15Darlin’ girl! He better marry her before some prince on a bleached horse rides up and carries her off!
16Sean, my man, you have a keen eye for beauty.
17Hey, Juanita Jean, that was so awesome. Thanks for sharing that. It made my day.
18Love it!
19I love that funds have been raised here. Sad that the GoFundMe amount has passed $400 thousand for the bigoted pizza shop owners in Indiana.
20Nice lady.
21I honestly don’t see the attraction to baseball. Now if ya’ll want to bring in the crowds, here are some ideas:
1) Each inning change the order of the bases. It’ll help keep down the ruts and keep people watching to figure out what’s going on.
2) Make the game simpler by eliminating some rules. For example, do away with “runner has the right of way” and instead let let each batter keep his bat while running the bases. This will also make the game more interesting.
3) If the batter is “beaned”, have the pitcher stand on the rubber and let the batter return the favor.
4) Don’t let the pitcher have a glove and require at least some percentage of pitches be thrown with the “off” hand.
5) Since MLB players are supposed to be the best, give them the worst fields to content with. Instead of faux turfs with flat surfaces Euclid would admire, give them some gopher holes and a few stumps. More fun for everyone!
6) Modify the infield fly rule to allow one base runner to tackle one member of the opposing team.
7) Only allow the relief pitcher to be drawn from one of the remaining either players on the field.
8) If a batter gets all fussy with his gloves, spikes, etc. and delays the game for an unreasonable amount of time, allow the ump to award a strike.
9) Anyone caught by security throwing something onto the field will themselves be tossed onto the field the same distance. Security is allowed as many throws as necessary to accomplish the deed.
10) Ticket and food prices shall be set in accordance with the team’s record. If the team’s record sucks, prices go down.
Make these types of changes and I might even go to the game. Provided, of course, I get a primo parking spot and a sky box whose a/c has an “arctic winter” setting on it.
22Yeah, well, I hit “submit” before rereading and proofing my post, but you get the idea.
Besides, who really reads these posts?
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