It started off simply enough.  A young Alaskan college senior named Katya Wassillie, doing an internship at the office of a Democratic state senator, went to a committee meeting to try her hand at presenting a resolution to honor 100 years of Girl Scouting.  Her State Senator went with her and sat beside her to offer moral support.  That was a good thing.

Because then all hell broke loose.

Then came Rep. Wes Keller, the conservative Wasilla Republican filling in as chair of the committee. He had seen something on the Internet about the Girl Scouts, he said, and suddenly Wassillie found herself in the crossfire of the culture wars.

“I’m sure you are aware of the information that’s floating around the Internet, and I’d like to give you the opportunity to respond to your connection, the Girl Scout connection, with Planned Parenthood and the activist role in that — is there a connection? Is there not? Frankly, I haven’t looked into it but I see it’s out there. I just wondered if you want to make a statement on that,” Keller said. (An audio clip and video of the full hearing are posted here.)

Wassillie brazenly admitted that she not not fluent in internet rumor.   She froze.

Alaska State Rep. Wes Keller: Claims looking at Girl Scout pictures on the internet make hair grow on his palms.

Her State Senator picked up the ball and was pretty much amazed to discover that internet rumors link the Girl Scouts to cookie prostitution, badges for heroine production, and terrorist camp outs.  We’re not even going to talk about those marshmallow, graham cracker, and chocolate bars they make with total disregard for Jesus and local sodomy laws.  And, don’t forget that Ashton Kutcher divorced them, Charlie Sheen snorted them, and Angelina Jolie adopted them.

Republican Representative Wes Keller, who is only trying to protect America, stood firm.  When the Democrat asked for some idea of what the fool tarnation rumors he was talking about, Wes was ready.  Yes, siree, even though he admitted he had not done his homework on the Girl Scout internet rumors, he wanted to talk about the rumors, dammit.

“We’ll talk about that,” said Keller. “That’s part of the reason I’m not moving (the resolution out of committee), because I want to look into that some more then.”

To be honest, most of those present think he just wanted an excuse to look at internet porn.

The nights are long and lonely in Alaska, and if there’s not a war on women, then there’s only caribou to fight.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.