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Juanita and her buddy Bob live within spitting distance of the Parish Coal Burning Power Plant.  Both of them fret about.  Bob, because he has kids.  Juanita because she’s become unnecessarily addicted to breathing, eating, and water.

We got this report today that the parish Plant was plenty proud of itself because it lowered its mercury spew to a ton a year.

“They will not let me buy even one small glass thermometer with, like, maybe a tenth of half of an ounce of mercury in it,” Juanita says, “but I could probably go outside with a cup and get a half a pound in an afternoon.”

“The downside is that we’re all sick.  The upside is that we can rent our kids out as thermometers, which, shockingly, is not as profitable as you’d suspect.  It is fun in the summer, though, to watch the little red line move up their bodies as the day heat of the day progresses.”

By the way, the owners of the Parish Plant live in New Jersey.  New Jersey.  You cannot get further away than that.

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