I was raised in Texas so I know a thing or eleven about honky tonks.  I’ve also seen a bar fight or two.  So, I was stunned, stunned I tell you, to hear of some scientific study that apparently cost a lot of money, come to a conclusion that I would have given them for $1.98 and a Lone Star.

A recent study shows that the dance floor is the most likely place for fights to break out inside a large drinking establishment. The findings suggest that roughly 20 percent of the most harmful incidents took place on the floor itself; another 13 percent of them occurred near it.

Yep.  The dance floor.  I want to know what idiot suspected it was the rectory.

You don’t fight near the bar because you’re liable to break a full bottle.  You don’t fight in the parking lot because there’s gravel in the parking lot.  I have heard of assault with a toilet seat but that’s become rarer now that scientific studies have shown that to be the weapon of choice for people who already have a few social diseases so what the hell.

You fight on the dance floor because then you have an audience.  Which is the whole purpose of a bar fight.  There are rarely private bar fights.

There’s also the fights following the bar fight at the trailer park.  Those get noisy and usually involve a deer rifle  just to draw a crowd. If you hear a deer rifle at the trailer park, run the other way.  And, for God’s sake, don’t hold your hands over your head like antlers.  I’m just saying.