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The Fort Bend County Republican Party meets tonight.  I know you’re excited.

They have a resolution on the agenda tonight.  You’re gonna love it.

Our local Republican Party wants to make a sizable donation to the Tom DeLay legal fund.  Apparently, someone in the Fort Bend County Republican Party still believes that Tom DeLay is innocent and got railroaded.  Apparently, they are feasting on hogwash.

Fort Bend GOP with Karl Rove and other old white guys

“I’m kerflummoxed over a few parts of this deal,” Juanita explains.

“First off, if people wanted to give money to the Tom DeLay Legal Defense Fund, why didn’t they give it to the Tom DeLay Legal Defense Fund instead of the Fort Bend County Republican Party?  I mean, if I gave money to the National Democratic Party and they gave it to John Edwards for his legal defense fund, I’d be mad enough to bite hammers in half.  And, Honey, there is no difference between Tom DeLay and John Edwards in any way, shape or form except that one of them is a normal sized person.”

“Second off,” she continues, “Lookie here at Brent Perry’s website to collect alms for Tom.  Tom gets the damn money tax-free.  He doesn’t have to pay taxes on it?  Hell, is it going to Credit Suisse?  This just chaps my patootie.  How much tax free money does he have?”

“Third off, any man who has his own cigar humidor at a fancy pants restaurant does not need money from me because – and there is no bitterness in my voice about this – I do not have my own humidor at an expensive restaurant.  There are hungry children in the world, and being a jerk about that is pretty much optional.”

She’s not finished.

“Fourth off, are you nuts?  Listen Republicans, why don’t your just put a big ole pile of money in the middle of the room, pour gasoline on it and set that sucker on fire?  At least it would be entertaining, which is far more than Tom DeLay is anymore.”

“Fifth off, and Lord knows that’s Tom favorite beverage and constitutional right so I’ll  make it the last one:  Go on, Republicans, do it.  That’s all the less money you’ll have to elect Republicans around here in the future.”

“Good luck at your meeting tonight, Republicans.  If you give Tom DeLay some more tax-free money,  you might as well buy some I SUPPORT CONVICTED FELONS tee-shirts for your candidates to wear in two years.  And, hell, Honey, I’ll make them for you for free – just so long you pay taxes on them.”

UPDATED:  The resolution was tabled by unanimous consent until the April meeting.  My sources say that the Chairman, Riot Rick, needed more time to garner votes for it.  As you recall, Rick Miller is a major delusional DeLay fan.