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Under section 56.03 of the Texas Code of Criminal Procedure, victims of felony crimes in the State of Texas have the right to file a Victim Impact Statement.  They may also request compensation for any physical or psychological damage they have suffered as a victim of said felony.  The judge can consider the information given in the Victim Impact Statement in deciding the punishment for the perpetrator of the felony.

Juanita called the Travis County District Attorney’s Office and requested permission to file a Victim Impact Statement in the case of The State of Texas vs. Thomas Dale DeLay.  Yes, she did.

Yesterday she got as far as the victim coordinator, who seemed a tad confused about the whole thing, telling Juanita that she’d have to go to the Attorney General for compensation or her local District Attorney to file charges.  Juanita insisted that she did not want monetary compensation, and that her local District Attorney wouldn’t prosecute Lizzy Borden if she’d ever been elected to anything.

Juanita does not want any compensation but she does want it to be known that Tom’s felony offense was not – in any way, shape, or form – a victimless crime.  Even the form for the victim compensation says that psychological damage is considered real and important, and maybe even real important.

Because of Tom’s cahooting, the State of Texas now has congressional districts that look like a bushel basket of wire coat hangers.  And, because of his decision to play political games over his indictment, Juanita personally went 6 months with no congressman.  Our Founding Fathers thought taxation without representation was important enough to die over so  Juanita figures that somebody should know how she felt having to pay taxes that year without a voice in Congress whatsodamnever.

“Do you have any idea how it feels when you cannot call your Congressman and holler?” Juanita asks.  “It gives you heartburn and headaches, that’s what it does.  Maybe I should be compensated for that.  The psychological part of the Victim Impact Statement asks if you have ‘feelings of helplessness.’  Does a one legged duck swim in circles?  Of course, I felt helpless over Tom’s behavior.  It also asks if you’ve had nightmares or ‘no trust in anyone.’  Creo que hell yes!  Does Howdy Doody have wooden toes?”

Straight from the Victim Impact Statement:  (Click the little one to get the big one.)

“And,” she continues on a roll, “every time I went someplace on business and had one of those name badges that said ‘Hello, I’m Juanita and I’m from Richmond, Texas,’ people would immediately and ask questions like, ”I bet the odor of chlorine is overwhelming in your town from all the hot tubs Tom DeLay’s been in,’ or ‘So, ‘all ain’t got no laws against stealing?’  Then they would snicker.  How do you think that makes me feel?  Job stress, that’s what!”

“And that whole Dancing With the Stars crap he did to draw attention to himself?  That’s anxiety on a stick.”

“Then there’s that goshwaful book he wrote.  I couldn’t even read that sucker, even when he talked about me in it, because of …. you got it, loss of concentration.”

“What really chaps my hiney is that Tom DeLay claims he’s the victim in all this.  For all he’s done to us while he was  out fancy pants drinkin’ and golfin’, he should have been stripped nakkid on Thanksgiving Day and dropped from a helicopter into the Cotton Bowl half time show with OU tattooed on his butt,” she wishes.  “However, I only think that because I have — put another check in the box — depression.”

“Anyway,” Juanita finishes, “I’m gonna fill this sucker out and send it in.  Even if they won’t let the judge see it, I’ll share it with you.”