This Totally Creeps Me Out
Y’all, I’m creeped out.
A recording of Ted Cruz’s Dad, everybody’s favorite delusional uncle, says that the Cruz family prayed for six damn months asking God’s will for Ted. You know, after six months with no answer, I’d figure that God wants me to get up and go feed the poor.
Honestly, God left me a pretty detailed explanation of what he wants me to do in the New Testament. I think it’s kinda rude to keep asking God for some damn sign – like a dove or a burning bush.
When Jesus taught us to pray there was none of that, “Should I buy a Cadillac or a Buick?” stuff in it. It was basically just give me some food, keep me from sinning as much as possible, and thy will be done.
Anyway, when six month of prayer didn’t work, the entire family went to Houston, Texas, where God spends his winters, and …
“After the church service, we all gathered at the pastor’s office,” said Cruz, who is a pastor himself. “We were on our knees for two hours seeking God’s will. At the end of that time, a word came through his wife, Heidi. And the word came, just saying, ‘Seek God’s face, not God’s hand.'”
I think that means buy the Buick.
So, if the word came through Heidi, that means that God isn’t speaking to Ted Cruz.
I figured it all along.
.
A Bible verse is called for here. 1 John 4:1 (TEV)
1My friends, so no believe all who claim to have the Spirit, but test them to find out if the spirit they have comes from God. For many false prophets have gone out everywhere.
“Seek God’s face, not God’s hand.”
2WTF does THAT mean? These people are so deliberately obtuse it’s maddening.
“Seek God’s face, not God’s hand.” And by what tortuous path of thought does one arrive at: This means Cruz should run for president? Couldn’t it just as easily mean: get thee to a monastery where thou shalt stare at My Crucifix on your knees for 10 hours a day until I reveal Myself to thee?
3Boy does know how to put the “fun” in “fundamentalist” or what? And as you read that don’t ignore the “mental” part of “fundamental” either.
4Well it took them 6 months to get 6 words and as always it says what they wanted the message to be in the first place. This is a story to attract Evangelicals. To me it is wrong, creepy and proof positive this family shouldn’t be near the government in any way, shape or form. The ultra-religious in South Carolina went with the yam tRump but Daddy Cruz is nuts and question: Heidi-ho was big deal at Goldman Sachs — how does being a “moneychanger” square with this role of passing along the run/don’t run approval?
5Really? Heidi? I’m surprised they didn’t get the message when the aspidistra plant burst into flames!
6Probably Heidi was just sick and tired of being on her knees for two hours and just blurted that out so she could get the hell out of there.
As an aside, I think God spends his summers here in Fredericksburg instead of Houston. Fewer mosquitoes and we have German potato salad, schnitzel, and beer.
7Okay. That’s just too damn weird. These people are freaking me out. Time for some witchcraft trials if you ask me!
8I can get the same results if I flip a coin six times.
9Moses sent word he would never talk to a Bush again. Last time he did, he had to wander in the wilderness for 40 years.
10Snake oil is snake oil. And Texas and AZ. Rubes buy a lot of it.
11If they are not careful, god’s hand is going to reach out and bitch slap them back a couple of centuries.
12I do NOT want to know what those two tell their daughters, when they lose a pet. But this does explain why the girls look both creeped out and repulsed whenever seen with them.
13‘Seek God’s face, not God’s hand.’
Why don’t they listen to her? And leave the rest of us alone.
14My momma does this sort of thing all the time: “Lord send me a sign. If the phone rings in the next thirty minutes that means chicken for dinner.” No phone. “Lord send me a sign, if the phone rings in the next thirty minutes that means chicken for dinner.” No phone. “Lord send me a sign, if the phone rings in the next thirty minutes that means chicken for dinner.”
PHONE!! “Thank you Lord for you sign.” Of course, there was ever only chicken in the fridge to begin with.
You just keep asking for that “sign” until you get the answer you wanted. Praise Jesus!
(And yes, my mother really does that crazy stuff all the dang time.)
15Hey, God’s a smart guy. I mean, I don’t want to talk to Ted Cruz either. Nor does anyone else, according to his former roomie.
16Mark J, how many times did you sneak out and call your momma, so that you could have dinner before midnight?
17Aside from the Cruz nonsense, help me understand the time honored question – I know what God doesn’t do. What exactly does he/she do? Respectfully submitted.
18Sounds as though what they found is God’s backside.
19@TexasTrailerParkTrash
Well so the way I heard it was G*d owned, amongst other pieces of real estate, Hell and Texas. At some point He gave the Devil his choice of locales. The rest is history.
20If I’d had to be on my knees for two hours praying because my crazed Cuban-Canadian-American father-in-law said we all had to, what I came up with just to make it all stop might make even less sense. But at least it worked: He let ’em up off their knees! Heidi may be smarter than we give her credit for. And the next time it happens, she’ll try it after just 15 minutes.
21Well. daddy Cruz think sonny Cruz is the Messiah. Daddy is a far far right preacher who believes in dominionism which says the Christians need to take over the government to “save it from the wicked”. Ted may not subscribe to this but too many of daddy’s friends are hell bent for Christian domination of everything, churches, society, government, education, economics. Ever heard of David Barton? He is super wealthy and super committed to Christian takeover of everything. ted Cruz may just be a run of the mill wing nut but daddy’s backers aren’t.
22Matthew reveals Christ says to pray in private but Ted loves to ostentatiously pray in public. Matthew reveals Christ says to close the door behind you when you pray but Ted drags Ben into the closet and closes the door to do who knows what for 25 minutes.
Ted is the Anti-Christ
23I expect God really said “talk to the hand…”
24He does know that he is running for President of the USA, NOT Pastor, right? RIGHT?
25This evening we have an alternative to looking at & hearing the snacilbupeR caucus in NV. A chance to meet Progressive candidates in some of the other races who might interest us.
http://crooksandliars.com/2016/02/you-re-invited-tonights-free-online
😀 Where’s Sir Primo with our betting pool? Maybe I can improve my 0/3 record to 0/4.
26I’m sure his relationship with God will really help him in Nevada, the home of legal prostitution and Sin City, Las Vegas.
27From what I read in the Bible, Cruz totally misinterpreted the meaning of what he heard. If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin.
282 Chronicles 7:14 To me, this means that, indeed, Ted Cruz should abandon his wicked ways and enter a monastery.
Now, where’s your faith people?! Some people are certain that God speaks to them.
I have it on good authority that a fellow drove to school one afternoon to pick up his daughter, only to find that she had died in an accident on the soccer field. On the way home, he encountered a traffic accident where he recognized his son’s bicycle; the boy had been run over and killed by a speeding motorist. He didn’t quite know how to break the news to his wife, but nevertheless made it home, only to discover his wife in bed, dead of a sleeping pill overdose. His misfortunes on just one afternoon were bigger than he could handle, and he dragged himself into the family church, knelt at the alter and cried out, “Why, God, why?! What have I done to deserve this.”
And with a crash of thunder, a low, booming voice replied, “You pissed me off!”
… And if you think that story is improbable, ask me what I think about Heidi Cruz’s story.
29Gindy51, I am still laughing about the “bitch slapping’ from God’s hand, which is a visual I can really get behind, as well as the witchcraft trials recommended by JAKVirginia.
Speaking of trials, Trump’s fraud trial begins in May for his Trump University scam. The RKlan better suit up with Depends while the sh*t hits the fan for their front runner.
30These are just very odd people.
31These people take the term “God-botherer” to entirely new heights. (or depths. Can’t decide which)
Someone get them a copy of the Constitution of the United States of America and point out the clause which talks about “no religious requirement”.
32Just when I am ready to chew glass, I check out JJ and her crew……..you getting me through this delightful season of fools.
33What is it with Texan Repugs civil servants praying to God to solve problems? May Cruz’s prayer be as successful as your ex-Guv’s prayers for rain.
34Here’s the thing: if God really wants to say something to someone, it doesn’t take that long and it’s not that cryptic and there’s no doubt about it. You get your burning bush, your scary angelic messenger, your blinding light like Paul on the road to Damascus, and a very clear, very distinct message.
Go there. Come here. Stop that. Do that thing, not the other thing.
God is quite capable of wielding a large, heavy, unforgettable clue-by-four upside the head if it’s really God.
In my personal opinion, if that clue-by-four isn’t in operation, whatever warm fuzzy feeling or sweet words someone hears came from somewhere else.
(Note: If you’re a staunch opponent of any mention of a deity of any kind, that’s fine with me. Mileage varies. Mine happened to involved a couple of encounters with the clue-by-four.)
35I would recommend to both these ditzes and to Heidi the experiment my late grandfather always proposed. Pray in one hand and defecate in the other and see which hand gets full first. Works for “wishing” too. My grandpa didn’t use the word defecate.
36@l’angelomisterioso
Raised my kids on that philosophy from the time the first one “wanted” things that went above and beyond his allowance income and necessity. My little bride wont tolerate any of the seven words you can’t use on teebee so we agreed on “crap” early on.
37Ah, the imaginary friend spoke to the wifey. whose boney knees were probably killing her…. Isn’t that special?
38I gotta agree with those who said old Heidi’s knees were screaming and she thought it was God with a message. Two hours on a hard floor or even a cushioned one…whoo-eeeee call my doctor!
39