They’re Gonna Make Me and Little Baby Jesus Cry
I live in a very Republican neighborhood.
There was a house on the street where The Mean Old Man lived. Adults and children alike referred to him as The Mean Old Man because, well, he was mean and old.
To everyone’s relief, he finally died. I think they had to get a minister from out of town and pay him a bucket of money to say something nice about this guy. His house sat unsold and empty for two years because everybody who went in to look at it said, “Holy crap, this house smells mean!”
Finally, somebody in a neighboring town bought it and is renting it out. I think whoever bought it really, really hated me because they moved in some folks who make Sarah Palin look liberal and Jerry Falwell seem open-minded. They are trying to out-Jesus everybody on the street.
While I did not think it was possible to trivialize Sweet Jesus any more than the WWJD bracelets. I was wrong.
Apparently Jesus is on the ballot his election season. I do know that he was on the 2010 ballot, but his last name is Ortiz and he ran for county commissioner in Val Verde County. He lost. I don’t think that’s the Jesus the sign means, but I could be wrong. However, given that his last name is Christ and not Ortiz, I think betting my opinion would be safe.
Jesus, the man whose life inspired Handel’s Messiah, Michelangelo’s Pietà, and Amazing Grace, also inspired Santa Claus kneeling over little baby Jesus, and …. oh gosh, this sign.
Trivializing Sweet Jesus is the first thing that gives me a headache about this sign, but here’s the part that makes my brain quiver.
The political sign hunkering right up close to the Jesus one is for a guy, Craig Brady, who got a very young subordinate pregnant and left his wife to marry her. He then gave her a workplace promotion she had not earned. He’s proud of being endorsed by a former sheriff who was run out of office for being extorted by a topless dancer with some mattress thrashing while she was under indictment for arson. And The Boy’s Club – a Houston Topless Strip Church – was involved. And it was gross.
But this house, on my street, supports both Jesus and whorin’ around.
My head hurts.
By the way, the website the sign wants you to see is here. It’s a “church” in Hicksville, New York. No, I am not making up that city name. However, that does seem like a loooong way to go just to get a yard sign to make my head hurt.
And there are some people who don’t believe me when I say I live in LaLaLand.
Helen and I live half of the year in Houston and half of the year up here in Liberal Land (MA). Try as we might, there is no way we can make folks up here understand politics in Texas.
1Well, here in the Magnolia State (Mississippi) when election time rolls around, there are tons of professionally-made signs saying “Enough is Enough! Stand Up For Jesus!” placed with many of the regular candidate signs. I have no idea what they are talking about, but I haven’t seen Jesus on a ballot yet…
I apparently live in LaLaLand too. And cognitive dissonance really ought to be painful.
2Yes, you live in La La Land–but isn’t it entertaining??? My neighbors and I fight over the aesthetics of the Pool Deck.
3Hicksville NY is the home town of Billy Joel, if I’m not mistaken. There’s also a Heck, TX. Up near Lubbock. There used to be a cotton gin there, and a coupla churches. Don’t know if it’s even there any more.
4Don’t blame Jesus. Everyone who actually imitates him gets pretty liberal. Here, Juanita Jean, have a coupla headache pills.
5Don’t blame Jesus. Folks who imitate Him generally get more liberal. Here, JJ, have a coupla headache pills. And Sandy, I LIVE in Texas full time and I don’t understand Texas politics.
6Now I’m trying to picture Jesus doing what it takes to get elected to anything in this country, and even for this atheist the picture is just not coming clear.
But has Brady REPENTED? Especially on TV with lots of tears? Oh, they love that stuff– they’d rather have a lost lamb return to the fold than somebody who kept his pants zipped and everything else in the right place. Beats me.
7Ok – I did not go to the website, but “Faith on Fire”?
8Even to a recovering catholic, such as myself, there’s just something wrong in putting the faith and the fire in the same title. Isn’t one supposed to cancel out the other? Very strange.
Juanita, because churches have that (sometimes mis-guided) tax exempt status….. they tend to buy a lot of property…. which also has a (very misguided) tax exempt status …. also.
Happens a lot over here where I live.
I don’t think this is what Jesus had in mind…. when he said “Love thy Neighbor”.
9And “not everyone who says ‘Lord, Lord!’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven.” And Matthew didn’t have anything about putting signs in the yard in the list of things that bewildered the sheep and the goats. You just keep on hungering and thirsting for justice and you’ll be all right. A nice margarita won’t hurt you either…
10I grew up near Hicksville.
Billy Joel did live there.
They have crazy churches everywhere.
11Slightly off-topic, but fun. This is an entry from Wikipedia on the town of Texas, New York.
“Texas is a hamlet in Oswego County, New York, USA, near the southeastern corner of Lake Ontario. It is officially part of the town of Mexico.”
I went there a few years back just so I could visit the part of Mexico that is Texas!
12Really don’t think the man who said “Give back to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” would be running for public office in Texas. Just saying….Still, if he did, he would be called a “Liberal Hippie” by his so-called followers.
13Comment on previous comment(s).
Hicksville lies between Levittown and Jericho. That puts it somewhere between houses built of ticky-tacky and the place where the walls were not resistant to trumpeting.
My sister-in-law lives in Mexico, NY. One of her sons is named Irony.
There’s also a Mexico, Pennsylvania on the banks of the Juniata River (often mispronounced as Juanita by non-locals). And there is a section of Millheim, Pennsylvania which everyone calls East Texas.
Faith on Fire is probably kin to the Faith Alive! Fellowship up the road from me next to the Triumph motorcycle dealer.
14Even though there’s no “H” on the sign, my cousin, Jesus Hachecristo, is honored to have been nominated and promises, if elected, he will continue the time-honored Texas political tradition of collecting a paycheck while being useful as a beer stand at a Methodist picnic.
Plus, we’ll all get county jobs and/or liquor distributorships.
Also, here’s the thing about Mean Old Men: you always know where you stand with them. You know they don’t answer the door on Halloween, so you don’t even try. You also know better than to cut across the immaculately manicured lawn. If they do surprise you, it’s by doing something nice.
I’d much rather have a Mean Old Man living on the street than falsely sweet intolerant Bible thumpers with their Potemkin smiles and smug superiority…
…and apples on Halloween. Not even caramel ones!
Either way, go back later and egg the house.
15Poor Juanita, I can empathize with you being surrounded by … gag … out-of-control Republicans … I don’t dare put up signs or anything else indicating I’m … OMG … a Democrat … and I certainly have to be careful who I talk to in case they are a rabid Repuke! It can get awfully lonely sometimes! I simply cannot imagine that Jesus is at all happy with the state of affairs down here and he has probably mouthed OMG more then once!!
16OH … went to see the sign on the website … either I’m really missing something or they’ve taken the sign down … It might be a sign! Wow!!!
17Marcia – wouldn’t Jesus be mouthing “OMM” (Oh My Myself)?
18I am just so sorry that I don’t have room in my theological library for a copy of “Hidden Treasure” by Pastor Robert Iannuccilli even though it is FREE with a LOVE “gift” of $15 or more. I’m quite sure it would be very enlightening.
19Marcia and daChipster,
I think Jesus, being a good Jew, would not take the Lord’s name in vain…so he probably would go with, “Oh my goodness!”
And he’d be correct.
20At least I know Jesus can’t run for President cause I’m pretty sure he was born in Palestine, or was it Kenya?
21You can buy bumper stickers that say “Support the separation of church and hate” Google it.
22Star … I agree … in Jesus’ case OMG would definitely have to mean Oh, My Goodness … thanks for the clarification because, personally, I say Oh, my God a lot while reading most anything on Juanita’s page! LOL
23Some years ago, I came across a New York Times article about the Super-Delux Brand Christians coup at the Texas GOP convention. With it was a picture of a man holding a sign, saying, “a VOTE for [whomever] is a vote FOR CHRIST,” though, because of the relative sizes of the words, it was intended to read, “VOTE FOR CHRIST.”
Upsetting enough, but when I looked closer, I realized it was my brother holding the sign in the photo.
Sigh…
24Marcia – Last election, the whole ‘hood was a blanket of McCain/Palin signs, and our Obama sign stuck out like a whore in church. Got stolen more than once, too, which I never understood – didn’t they realize we were just buying more, thereby giving the campaign more money? We just did our early voting, and made sure to tell all the helpful Patriots wanting to discuss their Family Values with us that we were dirty hippies and probably not their target demographic.
25I have laughed so hard that my sides ache and I have peed down my leg.
I put you on my home page.
I just wanted you near and dear.
Hope you don’t mind.
I know a guy from Brooklyn that said he would cover my back any time I needed.
Oh lordy Juanita you got some bad karma going on there.
26Maybe it was the meanest of the house that called to them.
Can I get an amen??
go to Landover Baptist if you want to remove the stigma of being ‘un-churched’
27