The Sky is Falling! The Jade Helm Sky is Falling!
They told you so. They told you that Operation Jade Helm was a ruse to turn us all into gay communists who worship Prince Obama. You were warned, dammit.
Well, now it’s happening.
The internet is abuzz with reports of forced micro-chipping taking place in Clint, Texas. Dozens of families were said to be rounded up by American troops, and given the option of an RFID implant, or imprisonment for an indefinite amount of time.
These allegations first appeared on Twitter, and has exploded across the social media landscape. While some were skeptical of the accusations, others swore by the events, and had the RFID chips to prove it.
And it’s even on You Tube, so that’s proof that it must be happening.
Clint, Texas, is about 30 minutes from El Paso, which is about 5 hours from anywhere else in Texas. The population is about 1,000 people and dropping fast. Do you want to know why? Because they are bored as hell in Clint, Texas. Plus, they are so far out there that they don’t get the Today until tomorrow. If the world ends they won’t hear about it for a week. The average temperature in Clint is “hell.”
So, of course, that’s where the revolution to Lord Obama will start.
But maybe not.
It’s a hoax, but the crazies swear by it.
Thanks to Kris for the heads up.
Clint is just across the border from us in Las Cruces. It is really dry. So dry, the Baptists are sprinkling, the Methodist are using a damp cloth, Presbyterians are giving rain checks and the Catholics are trying to turn wine into water.
1All you have to do is start a rumor that the rednecks want to believe, and it will explode. They believe what they want to believe, evidence to the contrary be damned. And the more evidence they’re given, the stronger they hold to their beliefs.
2If Texas didn’t exist someone would have to invent it for the laughs. Thanks from California.
3The problem is finding anybody who is willing to go to Clint to investigate. There’s a reason this kind of nonsense springs up in such places.
The population of Clint is probably still unaware that anything is (allegedly) going on.
4I would love to see one of those “microchips” they offer as proof.
Wonder what they really are? Small rocks? Nickels? Potato chips?
5well, they finally did it..I’m at a total loss for words.
6Send in the FEMA psychiatrists and do some drug screens, those people need help, as they say in East TN “they are not quite right”.
7Oh, brother…
8Having assiduously looked up the citation you give, I have to check some of their other ;news.’ Like the ‘transgender tampon’ they mention. After all:
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9What I can’t figure out is if this publication was designed as a “JonSwiftian” satire, or as a Conservative response to THE ONION. Whatever, it has its delightful absurdity that is ‘yooneek’
Oh, and btw, Texas may have been created to give Californians something to laugh at, but the human race, obviously, was created so that the Real Rulers — i.e., cats — have something to keep them amused.
10(At least that’s what Captain Puddles, Tiki, and Quint (the Quintessential Cat) tell me, and they don’t usually lie.)
Guarded by Chupacabras, baby!
11Obviously there has been a major security breach. The “Men in Black” were under strict orders to “neuralize” everybody in Clint so that they would have no recollection of having been microchipped. A few of the buggers must have escaped. Supposedly there is also an extreme shortage of tinfoil in West Texas, since amateur hatmakers apparently have completely bought up the available supply. The only police cruiser in Clint was demolished after sliding off a curve, having skidded on a pile of empty cardboard rolls from tinfoil boxes that were discarded in the roadway. Remember, you heard it here first.
12They NEED microchipping, IMHO. That way, when they get lost (like a pet) their stupid @$$es can be found.
13Since the publication promises that it is dedicated to the truth, who are we to doubt Mr. St. Pierre’s expose?
14Of course conservative “truthiness” is a relative thing especially when it comes to microchips. Maybe this whole thing is a publicity stunt to advertise the return of the X Files: The Truth Is Out There. (way far out there)
I think United Media Publishing (the source for this fiction) needs to move out of the moldy basement where it shares space with a meth lab.
15If you google Jean Louis St. Pierre billionaire, all you get is this article. I’m calling satire.
16Same guy, “Married Christians Divorcing in Protest of Gay Marriage.”
17This is SO SERIOUS…… all of 715 people wasted their time by clicking on the YouTube video…… and….. one of them was me. Geeesh.
18Maybe this is a projection of the rednecks’ desire to be chipped. And dominated. If you catch my drift.
19What, no armed resistance by the populace while they were rounded up? What kinda lame-o Texans are these?
And no confiscation of cellphones, so the alleged victim was able to snap a quick pic of the troops, and post on the Innernets?
Too dumb to be satire. Might be somebody taking a nap in the Texas heat, after too many shots of mescal.
20But when do they start burning the witches?
21Clint is so freaking close to Juarez, how do they know it wasn’t Federales (or the Cartels) wearing Army surplus from Fort Bliss?
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