The Good Ole Days
Remember when political disputes were settle by having a duel?
It’s back. And it’s in Georgia.
Two political rivals in the Republican lieutenant governor primary are damn and determined to get the NRA endorsement.
Last week the NRA endorsed state senator David Shafer, saying he is “a voice for freedom and faithful friend to Georgia’s law-abiding gun owners” who offers “unwavering support for the Second Amendment.”
Well, that just pissed off former state Sen. Rick Jeffares, who says his family has been shooting things for generations and won international shooting contests and what not. Hell fire, his family “even made a baby gender announcement by firing an AR-15 through a pink balloon.” Okay, that’s just too creepy to think about for long, so let’s just move on to the duel part.
So Jeffares challenged Shafer to a shooting contest. Sadly, it isn’t a Hamilton – Burr type of duel, but a clay pigeon-shooting competition because everybody knows the test of a true gun lover is about aim.
I am not kidding you.
According to Jeffares’ challenge, the loser of the clay shoot would bow out of the race. And it just so happens both candidates will be speaking at a fundraiser luncheon Friday at the Cherokee Rose Gun Club.
Shafer hasn’t agreed to the challenge, but that isn’t stopping Jeffares. “Let’s save the people of Georgia the hassle of wading through political TV ads and mail pieces and settle this contest today,” Jeffares said. “I’ll bring an extra 12 gauge in case he doesn’t have one.”
Sounds like a plan to me. Can Dick Cheney come? I ask because it’s obvious that both these guys need shooting in the face. I hear Cheney is good at that.
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
I’m running out of popcorn.
1I would have sworn these guys couldn’t get any more ridiculous. Silly me!
2Ammosexualism writ LARGE!!!!! Could they be any more blatant in their compensation for, as David Niven famously said once upon a time at the Oscars, their shortcomings?
BTW, who needs a 12 gauge to shoot clay pigeons? A 410 ought to be sufficient. Oh, but wait. I forgot about their need to compensate BIGLY!
3Republicans, always coming up with new ways to cut down on voter fraud. If you don’t let the voters vote, there’s no possibilty of fraud, so just have a shootout. That’ll show your constituents who’s most qualified, for God knows what.
4Clay pigeons my a**. They should shoot it out ala Hamilton and Burr. Winner take all. With seconds and all. Oh and not single shot duelling pistols. Oh no. I’m talking AR-15s with 100 round drum magazines.
5I’ve tried for several hours to come up with some way to tie in El Jefe’s codpiece……piece. And that’s all I got.
6Oh, please. This is not a duel. No matter what instruments they use, it’s nothing but a pathetic, childish attempt to measure willies without a ruler, since neither one is bright enough to know how to use one.
7So I guess it’s up to the GOP voters of Georgia to decide whether Shafer isn’t accepting the challenge because he thinks he’d lose or because he thinks it’s a dumba** idea. I know which way I’m leaning, but I wouldn’t vote for either of these gun-happy crackers even if I lived in Georgia.
8Micr:
9Mark Twain suggested gattling guns. But your suggestion is perfect. Easily obtainable due to the philosophy, policies, and actions of the N.R.A., the organization whose asses these douchebags are falling all over themselves trying to kiss.
Personally, I thought his original idea of axes would be hilariously more appropriate.
Going Dark
But considering their policies and the NRA wouldn’t silhouttes of scared HS or grade school children running for their lives be a more appropiate target for these knuckle draggers?
10Seriously??? This can’t be the best Georgia has to offer on any issue for any reason. I am embarrassed for Georgia and I don’t do that a lot.
11@P.P.
You are soooooo right!
For “normal” snacilbupeR primaries I support the idea of duct-taping the candidates’ left hands and wrists together and giving them each a rather dull heavy stone axe. Again winner take all. If neither survives … oh well.
12Ammosexuals
and
clay pigeons
and
codpieces
Oh My!
My idea, paintball guns at 10 paces. It keeps the Hamilton/Burr vibe with the element of unpredictability of smoothbore. No codpieces, but cups are allowed^…
^ strongly suggested: I got winged once X<
13The logical conclusion to the GOP love affair with the NRA: who loves guns more. Would that many more GOPers might take this opportunity and go out with a bang!
14