The Boy Band of Brothers
Y’all the revolutionary soldiers in Oregon have sent out another list of demands … uh, wish lists.
Just like the brave American men storming the beaches at Normandy and those taking Iwo Jima, these unflinching he-men are totally out of French Vanilla Creamer.
The horrors! Revolution is hell, y’all. Hannibal could not have crossed the Alps with his bath mats, shredded cheese, body wash, and Marlboro 100s Reds.
Dude, one thing; if you cannot shred your own damn cheese, you ain’t fierce.
And since both mayo and Miracle Whip are on the list, we see a division among the troops.
OMG! What, no typhus? Small pox? And whatever else hit Washington’s army at Valley Forge. Oh,the horror! The humanity!
1I love the report where a bunch of guys showed up, armed, wearing camo and bullet proof vests wanting to join the party and they told them no. I think they were more scared of these new loons. The new loons went straight to the FBI encampment to voice their issues. Poor FBI agents stuck in the middle of nowhere surrounded by nut jobs.
2That dude in the photo looks like he is wearing a keffiyeh. That is worn by Arabs or stylish, urban hipsters. He might not have French Vanilla creamer but he certainly got the inappropriate outfit covered.
3Maybe they should send out for a dentist. Real men can gnaw on a chunk of cheese, or use a knife and shave it.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_emhkjliKlg/Vo70_L82Z3I/AAAAAAABYTU/tbNqyWrBflQ/s640/3%2Bclay%2Bjones.jpg
4What, no brie?
One can’t possibly be expected to overthrow an oppressive government without a good runny brie and some decent crackers.
5“shredded cheese”?!?
Don’t tell me these good ol’ ‘murican boys are making Nachos. And, about that French Vanilla Creamer, really boys? Didn’t anyone clue you in about the Freedumb Fries…..
6I guess those MREs weren’t all they were hoping for.
7@ PKM: Yes, shouldn’t it be “Freedom Vanilla Creamer”?
8French Vanilla Creamer? How common. At the least they should ask for genuine Bailey’s Irish Cream.
9Send ’em ol’ Bossy and let them survivalists make there own creamer. Post a guard so she’s not molested when chewing her cud.
10Why are the authorities allowing people in and out?
11Better yet,send them a Charolais bull-since Charolais started in France and they can get real French cream straight from the source.
12I read the list twice, and while Tampons were on the list, condums were not. So I come to the conclusion, either they brought plenty of their own, or they don’t need ’em.
13Just learned that the Malheur Wildlife Refuge is on the same power grid as Jane and me. That explains why the power to the Y’all Quacker squatters has not been shut down; logistics and safety. https://desertbeacon.wordpress.com/2016/01/11/power-for-the-loons-a-small-electric-co-op-considers-what-to-do-with-the-loons-at-the-malheur-wildlife-refuge/
Meanwhile old Ammon, Ammo and Mammon Bundy raise a good point: they suffer from subsidy abuse. We can fix that by cutting off their subsidies.
14Send in the Navy Seals – they can go in “stealthy” like cut the lines just for the compound and then extract. If those idiots open fire then let the Seals do what they are good at – “Open up a huge can of kick-ass”
15Polite Kool Marxist, are you near enough to see any of these loons?
16sharon, the UCMJ forbids the use of the US Military against our own citizens. However, that does not preclude using national, state and local LE resources up to and including the National Guard. The Feebs have tactical response teams trained for this very situation. Wait for it.
17e platy onion: “Better yet,send them a Charolais bull-since Charolais started in France and they can get real French cream straight from the source.” I guess you ain’t one of them he man ranger types … can’t get cream from a bull. I’m a city girl and know that.
On the other hand, I would love to see them try….
18I’m waiting for a well known restaurant chain to parachute a cow into the compound trailing a banner that reads “Eat Mor Chikin.” With a large order of Buffalo RightWings.
19Old Mayfly, as the road goes (and it isn’t good) we’re approximately 250 miles south of them. The power grid that includes all of us encompasses 20,000 square miles. The other Bundy cowliphate (their ranch) is about 500 miles south of us, near Las Vegas. But as the loons fly, they are way too close for our liking; especially when they sometimes travel the same roads. Carson City, NV to which we are closer had a Bundy ride for welfare last fall. They stank up our state capitol worse than the snacilbupeR legislature.
20Linda Phipps, it’s likely that e platypus onion is serving up some Rocky Mountain oysters. He indubitably knows exactly how Ryan Bundy was kicked in the face ‘milking’ a bull.
21No offense,Linda Phipps, but it can be done.
22ps 🙂
23e platypus, if they’re going to use a bull, they might as well use each other.
https://twitter.com/hashtag/bundyeroticfanfic?src=hash
24To keep with the French cream theme one necessarily would need to milk the french bull in this instance. That is all I was trying to suggest. 🙂
25My question also, Cheryl. When they come out to get cream, they should get creamed and arrested. One by one or two by two, off to the hoosegow, you morons, you.
26Waiting for the “NO BROWN M&Ms” part of the Bundy “wish list.”
Big babies.
27From Salon:
“Jason pressed Jed against a rack of “Birds of Oregon” books; his breath was sweet with jerky. Somewhere, an egret cried” #bundyeroticfanfic
— colin meloy (@colinmeloy) January 6, 2016
They didn’t have food, socks, or extra underwear. But they had each other. On cold, Oregon nights, that’s all a man needs. #bundyeroticfanfic
— SPYGOD (@11spygod11) January 7, 2016
“Tyranny is the weight of the Feds!” Ryan thought, “But O sweet paradise is the weight of Ammon’s carnal form…” #bundyeroticfanfic
— Nick Morton (@nicholasmmorton) January 11, 2016
Jed peeled off Ammon’s thermals slowly. “We’ve taken back our country. Now we’re gonna take our time.” #BundyEroticFanFic #RanchUndressing
28And had mommy do it for them.
29Don’t forget to loosen the lid of the Mayo jar before you mail the care package.
What’s with the Tampons, oh, to plug the bullet holes. The maxi-pads make great sterilized gauge pads for wounds, or so I learned in a wilderness first aid class.
And they want us to support their smoking habit. Support your addiction, I have my own to deal with.
Looks like they are asking us to support their “boys week out-BYOGun”. It appears that as soon as they heard “occupation”, their brains turned off, the testosterone kicked in, and without further forethought they grabbed their guns and hopped in their trucks….
30Rollin, Rollin, Rollin,
Keep them doggies moving, Rawhide!
Move ’em out, head ’em up,
Head ’em up, move ’em on.
Move ’em out, head ’em up:
Rawhide…Ya’llQueda!!!
@Sam in SA, I got such a kick out if the erotic fan hashtags that I put this ditty together this weekend….it was recommended that I warn Mamma and suggest a cup of tea would be good about now.
Now, You can ride along with Ammon, Jon, Capt’n “O”,
Fluffy Unicorn, Old Cap Moroni and the rest of
the Y’allquada Cowboys. Join their
“Boys Night Out Tour” in Eastern Oregon,
BYOG, Bring Your Own Gun.
Rollin, Rollin, Rollin,
Move ’em out, head ’em up,
Head ’em up, move ’em on.
Move ’em out, head ’em up:
Rawhide.
ooh, I love the whips.
When we join the boys, they are all hold up in a tiny
one room cabin….except for the guy
under the blue tarp. What’s he’s doing
all by himself under that tarp? Cowboys can be
reclusive creatures in nature and you may often find them talking nonsense, loudly proclaiming prophesies, spouting conspiracies, quoting Blackstone and the scriptures.
Rollin, Rollin, Rollin
Though our loins are swollen,
We really wished we packed our snow camo-pajamies, Rawhide,
who ever picked the leather for this weather
is really out of their mind.
ooh, I love the patent leather,
The boys nights are spent passionately probing
their deepest desires to enter into a long term
relationship while performing their patriotic duty in their
fight against the evil Empire, say a year, or more,
oh, we can die in each other’s arms, how romantic….
oh, I better call the missus,
let her know I’ll be gone a bit longer.
p.s. please send beer and slim jims
Rollin, rollin, rollin,
Wishing my pal was by my side
all the things I’m missing like
Bill’s love and kisses
are waiting at the end of my ride.
Don’t try to understand ’em,
just hope we make it out alive, cause
My heart’s calculatin’,
the Feds will be waitin’:
Waitin’ at the end of my ride.
Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’,
31Rawhide!
Y’allquada
unless the local power company isn’t up to standards, they can shut the power off to just a small section of the grid. in fact, now that I think about it, each facility has a “master” line, that connects it to the main power line in the area. disconnect that “master” line, and there goes their electricity.
the question is, how far from the facility is the junction box, that the “master” line connects to? if it’s not within line-of-sight of the buildings, a power company employee should be able to safely do the job.
32@PKM
Yall need to move to Texas from that other hot bed of insanity. I hear there’s a little 320k acre spread for sale out west of Wichita Falls. The first $720 million buys it. Yall’ud be a lot happier there!
33@Sam in San Antonio
I hear Y’all-quida got around to changing underwear other night. Ammon changed with Bob. Bod changed with Charlie, etc etc
34Coprolite, you’ve got me humming the City Slickers version:
Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’,
35Keep them dogies rollin’,
God my ass is swollen,
Rawhide!
Coffee creamer? You want real COFFEE CREAMER??!! Real men don’t drink their coffee with no stinkin’ CREAMER!!!!
36I’d be really embarrassed for my state–Oregon–but there’s no Oregonians on this clown car. We survived The Bhagwan, we can survive The (Al) Bundy Militia and Traveling Circus.
37Linda Phillips: Depends on what you call cream. 🙂
38@coprolite Rollin, Rollin, Rollin
Though our loins are swollen,
I’m still laughing.
39Classic milking scene from Kingpin for Linda
40https://youtu.be/mUtSazFb5qM
@Sam in SA, you know, it really was too easy, laughter is good….I have decided, I am not going to get angry at the Feds not going all Rambo and arresting the whole lot.
They may not get arrested, but they won’t be martyred, the community doesn’t want them, other malita’s don’t approve of their methods and objectives, the Feds have generally ignored them, they are fighting amongst themselves, and I have decided to mock them, humiliate ‘um, and be satisfied with my form of justice. Any additional justice delivered by the Feds is just icing on the cake.
41Why is it that these guys can come and go yet they can’t buy their own supplies? Are the Burns stores refusing to sell it to them? Or is it because these bozos have no money??? What a pathetic lot! Not prepared, can’t even do without frickin’ coffee creamer.
42Gasp! Blue Bell ice cream is once again having trouble with listeria! Highly recommend they dump the product at the wildlife refuge near Burn, Oregon, where the occupants are totally needy for snacks. Much better than dumping the product on the factory floor!
43These sweet darlings have provided me with untold joy during this crazy season of politics…..and you, dear JJ and your readers, are the best.
44Micr, thanks for the invitation. As soon as I have a $74 million down payment, we’ll move. $720 million sounds like a bargain. After I earn that first $74 million and ‘assuming’ I would continue to earn at the paltry rate of $10 million per year, that baby would be ours in time to celebrate our kids’ 50th wedding anniversaries. As President Obama might say, “bucket.” Thinking we need one of the $1.4 billion dollar lottery tickets. $2 = $1.4 billion. Sounds familiar; wasn’t that Cheney’s ‘logic’ on the Iraq war paying for itself? All joking aside, we’re happy where we are. Once blue NV is a bit bruised purple these days, but there’s hope of restoring sanity.
As for the Bundy FLDS degenerates, they never rated ‘militia,’ and it’s time to demote them from Y’all Qaeda. These dufii have problems with BLM, yet they “occupy” a chunk of land administered by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service.
There are two possibilities: Y’all Quacker, in “honor” of their stance or Y’all Cracker, a reference to their mental state and the ease at which they crumble.
45PKM, I’d vote for “Y’all Cracker,” as “cracker” is also a term for rednecks or possibly white trash. Maybe someone from the deeper south can explain the difference.
46I’ve got my billion dollar lottery ticket. It’s only the 2nd time in my life I’ve bought a Powerball ticket. Given the odds, I’d say it only microscopally improves my chances.
47Coprolite –
re: #31
My compliments to your pharmacologist.
48These guys wouldn’t have lasted five days in the Colonial Army under Gen. Washington, let alone a winter at Valley Forge.
49Y’all Qaeda, a/k/a Owl Qaeda (in honor of Malheur), or my personal favorite, Vanilla Isis.
50