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News.

MONTGOMERY, Ala. (AP) — The owner of Alabama’s largest casino, four state senators and several top lobbyists have been indicted on federal charges accusing them of vote buying in an effort to get a bill passed that would have legalized electronic bingo in the state.

The indictment, which has 11 defendants, was released Monday as FBI agents made arrests at several locations across Alabama.

It accuses the casino owners and statehouse figures of conspiring to make payments and campaign donations to affect “pro-gambling legislation.”

“Well, duh.  Baby, I’m a natural blond but even I know that’s what campaign donations are — legalized bribery,” Juanita rolls her eyes at that one.  “I have no idea why anyone would take cash.  They can take a campaign donation, not pay taxes on it, and spend it any way they like.  Bribery is legal in politics and it has been since ducks started going barefoot.  Maybe even before then.”

“Good Lord, our own county commissioner Andy Meyers bought a truck with his campaign donations and all the gas and upkeep on it, and that was legal.  He kept his son on payroll as a ‘consultant’ for four years straight, even when Andy didn’t have an opponent.  They can buy  clothes with it or rent an apartment and call it a campaign headquarters.  They can buy lunch at the Rotary Club and eat it themselves, or tickets to football games or the rodeo.  There’s literally no end to what you can buy with campaign donations.”

“Why go to the bother of cash?  You’ve got to hide cash, but you can poop off campaign donations right out in the open.  Honey, if you can’t buy it with campaign contributions, you don’t need it and you probably don’t even want it,” she carefully explains.

“I’ve never understood a politician getting indicted for bribery when bribery is legal in political circles.  That’s just a real special kind of dumb.  Why wade in quicksand over hell when you can walk on streets of gold?”

Juanita says she would be glad to testify for these guys in Aladamnbama.  “They didn’t do anything that isn’t being done all over the country.  They sold their vote.  That ain’t news.”