“I know I’m gonna hack off the libruls,” Juanita starts this morning as she puts on the coffee pot and adjusts the ankle strap on her pink pumps. “They’re gonna get all over me like green on grass about this.  And the librul bloggers are gonna be pounding the keyboards saying I’ve lost what little mind I ever had.”

They might be right, but I doubt it.

“I’m supporting Kinky Freidman for Agriculture Commissioner of the Great State of Texas and I don’t give a big bear’s butt who knows it,” she announces and then immediately ducks.

“I like Hank Gilbert.  I do.  But, I do not want to sit around for the next 8 months waiting for the next femur bone to drop out of his closet.  It’s probably a good thing he spent campaign funds on clothing because that might trap the skeltons,” she figures, adjusting that dang ankle strap again.

Verdelia interrupts, “Poor Ole Hank has more baggage than the train station.  On Saturday.  During National Suitcase week.  With all the lockers taken.  With the totebaganator running.  At a Samsonite convention. ….” Verdelia could go on forever with these things if you let her.

“Look,” Juanita interrupts, “I know that Kinky Friedman ain’t much to be proud of.  Heck, you couldn’t clean him up with steel wool.  However, I do agree with Jim Hightower that Kinky brings about 7 turnout percentage points to the table that Hank can’t touch – even with a cattle prod.”

“And, let us be semi-honest with ourselves here.  Bill White may be the best Governor that Texas would ever have.  I mean, he’d rank right up there with Sam Damn Houston.  I love Bill White.  But you and I both know that he needs a glitter enema.  I am not saying that there’s anything wrong with boring government.  I could use me a heavy dose of boring government after listening to Sarah Palin and Rick Perry gussy up facts and figures like streamers on a Maypole,” Juanita nods and looks over the top of her rhinestone glasses at Thelma, who loves, loves, just really loves Sarah Palin.

“Boring government would not be a horrible thing.  But, boring campaigns do not get voters to the polls.”

“You can say a whole lot of things about Kinky Friedman, but boring ain’t one of them,” Juanita rolls her eyes.

“I know you can find me a truck load of perfectly degrading things that Kinky has said about women or minorities or red heads or Mexicans or post hole diggers.  Hell, he’s offended everybody,” she admits.  “He’s a comic.  That’s what he does.”

“I am taking that into consideration.  But I’m  like Ann Richards was about The Liberal from Lufkin – Charlie Wilson.  Ann said, ‘Yeah, I know he’s a pig, but he votes right.’  There’s a whole lot you can put up with from a man with weaknesses as long as he votes right and fesses up to his weaknesses,” Juanita speaks from experience.

“And look at it this way,” she suggests, “If Kinky gets caught in bed with a woman, people would probably applaud.  Heck, even if he gets caught in bed with a horse, he’d claim he was just doing his part for Texas agriculture.  I’d certainly be proud.”

“And when you get to the bottom of this well, the truth is that Kinky has the advice of the best damn ag commissioner this state has ever seen in Jim Hightower.  I imagine Jim has Kinky’s ear, and if he doesn’t, he’ll have his butt.”

“And,” she adds with a grin, “if Jim needs a branding iron or a lasso, he can borrow mine.”

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