.

After Juanita made hotel reservations to go see the Tom DeLay sentencing hearing, DeLay’s attorney suddenly remembered that he had other plans that day.  Juanita canceled her reservations and called off the party planned for the night before.

We now have a new date.  It’s gonna happen on Monday, January 10th.  “It’s nice that it’s a Monday so you only have to call in sick and hungover for one day of work,” she says cheerfully.

Juanita will soon announce major plans for the party the night before in Austin, Texas, so go ahead and make your airplane and hotel reservations.

There are abundant theories about why the date was moved.  The most popular one is that Delay knows he is going to jail for at least 10 years, which means he has to go to jail while appealing the verdict.  So, he wanted to go after Christmas so he could smoke some big ole cigars and announce, ‘I am the Texas Prison System’ to celebrate the birth of Little Baby Jesus at a fancy restaurant where someone else is picking up the bill.

Another theory is that he’s having trouble finding character references.  Apparently, Newt won’t do it.

The most vicious one is that there’s only one foster family left at his much touted DeLay Foundation Rio Bend community of 8 expensive houses that influence peddlers paid for and  Tom wanted to personally kick them out, too, on Christmas Eve.  Just because he can.

Listen up people: Rick Perry cannot pardon him.   First  of all, in Texas a Governor cannot commute a sentence.  To even cut his sentence time, they have to have the recommendation of the DA, the judge, the sheriff, the Board of Pardons and Paroles, and six members of the Baptist church.  (Okay, so I made up the Baptist church part.  So, sue me.)  Additionally, a person cannot be pardoned at all until they’ve exhausted all their appeals.

Bubba, who thinks about these kinds of things more than average, thinks the judge has signaled to Delay’s lawyers that it’s gonna be 10 years or more so they might want to sit down with the DA and work out a deal to avoid all the appeals while Tom sits in the pokey.  Juanita disagrees with that possibility  because Tom can never, ever, no way, no how, admit he did anything wrong.  Bubba counters that Delay will simply say, “I am totally innocent but I am doing this to save my family the burden of the appeals process.”  Juanita admits that’s a possibility because Tom loves being a martyr.

“I know he named his book No Retreat No Surrender, but those are the two things he’s done best,” Juanita admits.

“And let me say something,” Juanita requests.  “There are those who say that I’m being mean; that I’m kicking man when he’s down and I shouldn’t do that.  They are right.  They are absolutely right.  And I almost feel bad about it.  Almost.”

“When Tom DeLay acknowledges that selling out democracy and his constituents was wrong, when he seeks redemption and salvation for the evil he has done and the people he has hurt, it’s over for me.  I will feel sorry for him and I will leave him alone.  I will even put money in his commissary fund.  I will never say another bad word about him,” she promises.  “But, until then, he remains the biggest hypocrite in Texas.”