Texas: The Petri Dish for ATCV-1
Oh so you were all “Yikes! Holy Crap! We’re all gonna die!” about Ebola.
And the reason you were is because you already have a virus called ATCV-1. It’s real. It’s eating your brain. And we need to quarantine Texas.
Scientists at the Johns Hopkins Medical School and the University of Nebraska have discovered an algae virus that makes us more stupid by infecting our brains.
The researchers were conducting a completely unrelated study into throat microbes when they realised that DNA in the throats of healthy people matched the DNA of a chlorovirus virus known as ATCV-1.
ATCV-1 is a virus that infects the green algae found in freshwater lakes and ponds. It had previously been thought to be non-infectious to humans, but the scientists found that it actually affects cognitive functions in the brain by shortening attention span and causing a decrease in spatial awareness.
That describes Texas Republicans to a tee.
As soon as they forget to be afraid of Obamacare, Republicans swear Isis is already in Texas and you probably didn’t even notice that your head is missing. When your attention span gets tired of Isis, they give you Ebola and you should be terrified that one person in Texas died of Ebola. Hell, fifty people died in Texas from falling off building so I suspect they’re gonna scare you of elevators next.
And you wanna talk about a “decrease in spatial awareness”? Hell, why do you think they don’t want Mexicans to cross the border? They are afraid there’s not room for them.
I don’t know this for a fact, but I hear it’s only contagious through carriers. And the only carriers are white males with pickup trucks. Just a rumor, mind you, but it never hurts to stay away from carriers. Or deport them.
Thanks to MoodyB for the heads up.
So now you have Naegleria fowleri the amoeba which crawls up your nose into your brain and kills you and ATCV-1 the virus, which crawls up your nose and turns you into a Tea Partier. Who knew swimming could be sooooo dangerous. Y’now except for the drowning part.
1Given the current mental state of Texas Republicans I suspect that they would infect the algae and make it stupider.
2I’m not afraid of any of that ridiculous stuff you mentioned.
ISIS,Ebola,Mexicans… that’s nothing.
Now Sharia Law, that’s different! If we know what’s good for us, we’ll copy what the good citizens of Alabama did and ban the scourge of Sharia Law.
3@RP
4Then you won’t be very happy when the Tea’s start to codify and enforce their brand of Sharia, which they call Christianity.
Shucks, there once was a pill you could drop into a bucket of creek water and it killed all kinds of bad stuff so you could drink it. Whatever happened to that pill?
5Republicans need to be smarter. Bleach kills most viruses. So, Republicans should . . .
6“And the only carriers are white males with pickup trucks. Just a rumor, mind you, but it never hurts to stay away from carriers. Or deport them.”
Hey! I represent that remark!
7Cats can carry toxoplasmosis, which makes mice unafraid of the smell of cats and even like it. Could explain why we allow four furry beasts to shed their little hearts out all over the house.
Fox News and other sources apparently spread some sort of Dumb, since a study showed that people who watch it know less about current events than people who watch no news at all.
8Started thinking that Fox now has a rival. An orally transmitted virus….
9Rhea,
10My cats are named “Toxie” and “Mosis”-to remind me never to get close to the cat box…my guy heroically keeps our place smell free…the disease explains cat ladies to a tee…we had a house in our neighborhood that literally had to be burned to the ground–it could not be cleaned from the cat nastiness (and I love my cats!) if we get lucky enough to get a dog…I am bedridden often in winter and my loves’ schedule is prohibitive (dog box just doesn’t cut it-lol!) we are thinking of Plas as it’s name, just to keep it in the family!
I’m not saying we need to get rid of the lakes and such, but the droughts (burning) and fracking (chemicals) are surely either concentrating or hurting ACTV-1, so bleach, which we often need to use on Republican thought, may just be a minor deterrent. With God on their side (NOT) Xian Sharia law cutting those uppity women down to size, what could go wrong over the next two years?
At least the Rs are safe from zombies, who only eat healthy brains. Maybe zombies can be fooled?
11Corinne, wish I could remember which editorial cartoonist did one of a couple watching Fox News when a bunch of zombies burst in screaming for “Braaains…. braaains– aw, shucks.”
12“We’ll release ya from this hyar quoranteen when your temprashure falls lower than yore IQ.”
13Lless, props and points for some great slab humor. Brings on a visual of Loopy Louie having a bacterial swab passed in one ear and out the other ear. Chicken/egg, bear/woods, and now the greater question: can bacteria exist in a vacuum.
14Oh y’all done said it all.
15I know my short-term memory isn’t what it used to be, but are you telling me it’s because that stuff I’ve been smoking is algae?
16You’ve been smokin’ algae? We are obviously in the wrong line of work here.
17I can’t remember.
18How many people died from one little fertilizer plant explosion in Texas and what did rethugnicans do about ensuring the public’s safety afterwards. I mean besides blame Obie?
19The idea of Republicans skinny-dipping in ponds to acquire ACTV-1 is just too much. Brain bleach, stat.
20Algae for brains, so that’s why they can’t accept facts, truth or science. Now it all becomes perfectly clear: Republican brains ARE different.
21Thank you JJ. For the past few years I walked around muttering”Has the whole country gone crazy?” Now I not only know the answer. I also know the cause.
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