Oh so you were all “Yikes!  Holy Crap!  We’re all gonna die!” about Ebola.

And the reason you were is because you already have a virus called ATCV-1.  It’s real.  It’s eating your brain.  And we need to quarantine Texas.

Scientists at the Johns Hopkins Medical School and the University of Nebraska have discovered an algae virus that makes us more stupid by infecting our brains.

The researchers were conducting a completely unrelated study into throat microbes when they realised that DNA in the throats of healthy people matched the DNA of a chlorovirus virus known as ATCV-1.

ATCV-1 is a virus that infects the green algae found in freshwater lakes and ponds. It had previously been thought to be non-infectious to humans, but the scientists found that it actually affects cognitive functions in the brain by shortening attention span and causing a decrease in spatial awareness.

That describes Texas Republicans to a tee.

As soon as they forget to be afraid of Obamacare, Republicans swear Isis is already in Texas and you probably didn’t even notice that your head is missing.  When your attention span gets tired of Isis, they give you Ebola and you should be terrified that one person in Texas died of Ebola.  Hell, fifty people died in Texas from falling off building so I suspect they’re gonna scare you of elevators next.

And you wanna talk about a “decrease in spatial awareness”?  Hell, why do you think they don’t want Mexicans to cross the border?  They are afraid there’s not room for them.

I don’t know this for a fact, but I hear it’s only contagious through carriers.  And the only carriers are white males with pickup trucks.  Just a rumor, mind you, but it never hurts to stay away from carriers.  Or deport them.

Thanks to MoodyB for the heads up.