Tease Up Your Hair, Honey
This is an honest-to-gosh email I got today.
Trump is complaining about ugly protesters. As America’s -and the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, it’s your obvious responsibility to provide beauty tips for demonstrators.
Peter
I take my beauty mission very seriously, Peter, and while I generally don’t feel any responsibility for Trump’s vision of beauty (I mean, have you seen his Christmas decorations?) (And those ties, ferpetesake), I do feel a duty to insure that America’s streets are filled with wowza! people.
I have fretted over this all morning. Coming up with something that wears well on all races, genders, body shapes, and ages is not an easy task. If it were, there would be no need for highly trained and fantastically expensive people like me.
But I think I have roughed-out a plan. It’s still in the toddler stage, but I think it just might work.
Demonstrate naked.
Now, now, don’t get carried away before I explain the benefits. The human body is beautiful. It’s a work of art. I’ve been to museums; I know these things.
Wear nothing but your name and your lawyer’s phone number written on your arm. And a mask.
Think of the benefits. First we can get America used to seeing bodies without immediately thinking nasty. Second, it’s hot out there and the cops are wearing seventeen layers of clothes. Who’s gonna pass out first?
Third, it’s easy to see you don’t have a weapon so the use of unnecessary force will look even worse for the cameras. Here are these guys looking like the offspring of Darth Vader and The Terminator. And here you are looking innocent as the day you were born.
But the main reason: You cannot out-camo or out-ammo them.
And the last reason: Honor thou hippie grandparents.
I think seeing my naked body on TV would constitute cruel and unusual punishment for viewers.
How in God’s name does Trump classify others as ugly?
1Does he not look in the mirror?
Does he not listen to himself?
He is ugly inside and out.
Wearing a mask would help.
Duct tape under the mask would be a huge Improvement !!!
As one who went to scant or no clothes event as a youth, I would really recommend considering all the parts , particularly normally shaded parts, for sunscreen.
2I can remember the pain.
Naked protests.
You read it here first, Beauty Salon customers.
And you know what that means – – a run on sunscreen. So get in your car and drive straight to the pharmacy, immediately, then buy up all the 15 SPF (or higher) before the shelves empty out. Because when you’re protesting naked, you’ll need A LOT of sunscreen.
3LOL I can get behind naked protesting. And, seniors due to the COVID-19 threat, it’s ok if you stay home and safe. Really. You should for safety concerns stay home. Not just seniors; those with comorbidity issues like morbid obesity, certain fungal infections and the Toddler-in-Thief* range of STDs should also stay home. BTW since ‘leaving’ NY does Donnie* have a home of record?
While not knowing where Peter stands on beauty tips, but why he asked that the WMDBS would attend to demonstrators before doing a complete sanitization and Silkwood shower on Covidiot* 45 followed by a serious make-over is a question from which an explanation by Peter may or may not pass the sniff test.
4I’d have to take a bath in sun block first. I’m a freckled redhead, ya know.
5A lot of us guys think we can protest naked and keep that 6 foot distance easily.
6A perfect plan, and it’s worked in the past. I immediately thought of this very appropriate song by Pete Seeger:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHs4uAwgRrs
7@John thorne: Thank you! Somehow, I had missed that song until now. Pete had a protest song for every contingency.
8Gloves? Shouldn’t you wear gloves? And only on your hands, guys.
9Thank you, my faith in Juanita Jean’s is fully justified. I was born in 1961, so I pretty much am my hippie grandparents. I love the beauty advice, as a long time contributor to the Wreck Beach culture in Vancouver, I adore the human body in all forms & ages of ex-clothed.
Trump uses the word “ugly” as many of his other utterances, without any sense of the word’s meaning. It would be very educational to see him both physically and spiritually naked. – how does it go? “It is a tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing”
10Forgot to mention: I enjoyed (loved) the logic behind the specific benefits that were given for nude protesting. It’s easy to yell obscenities, easy to mock trump, but effective satire is beautiful, and gratifying to read, especially when it still makes perfect sense when not read as satire, just as something that makes more sense that a lot we see these days.
In the summer, perfect with chilled white wine. (white wine in a mug, over ice)
11Since a bunch of us melanin deficient folks are now in the front of the protests facing the cops. I think a bunch of us with silver hair and no clothes would surely slow down the swing of batons and the pop of tear gas.
12Seeing grandma ( or worse, grandpa) naked would be more traumatizing than walking in on your parents having sex. I don’t think I have enough time on earth to develop skin cancer, so I’m game.
@John thorne: Thank you
13Oh great; no toilet paper, no hand sanitizer, no Clorox, now no sunscreen! 🙂
14Hey, over 20 years ago we went through all that with streakers, even at the Academy Awards. Remember how totally cool David Niven was?
15Completely by accident I came across this article about the WH arguing — in court — that it needs absolute power to cancel press credentials without due process because Trump is afraid a reporter will moon him.
I repeat: in court.
https://www.newscorpse.com/ncWP/?p=45569
16Plus all that vitamin D!
17