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“Honey, Honey, Honey, do not believe it when Governor Rick Perry says Texas does not have enough money to pay teachers,” Juanita begins on this Friday morning.

“We certainly have enough money for the really important things – like Formula One racing!”

Texas, which may balance its budget by firing thousands of teachers, plans to commit $25 million in state funds to Formula One auto racing each year for a decade.

Red McCombs

Four years after motorsports’ most popular series left the U.S., Texas investors including Clear Channel Communications Inc. co-founder B.J. “Red” McCombs are building a 3.4-mile (5.5-kilometer) track to bring the event to Austin. Comptroller Susan Combs has agreed to pay $25 million for races through 2022, a subsidy questioned by critics and lawmakers as the state cuts costs to close an estimated $15 billion two-year deficit.

“I don’t understand,” she says.  “If this is such a dandy idea, why the hell ain’t Red McCombs and his cigar-smokin’ buddies putting up the $25 million?  That’s pocket change to them.”

To make matters even worse …

Formula One races have failed to gain traction previously in the U.S. Since the 1970s, the series has been hosted by Long Beach, California, as well as Las Vegas, Detroit, Dallas, Phoenix and, most recently, Indianapolis. The races there ended in 2007 on declining attendance.

“Honey, Formula One looks like a sport ready for an autopsy,” she says.  “Why don’t we just parachute into a live volcano and save the $25 million?”

“I think we should study-up on a better way to spend our money than to give it to Red McCombs to put a $100 saddle on a $20 horse.”