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Y’all, it’s Joe Barton …. again.

Texas’ own Mr. Crazypants, Congressvarmint Joe Barton, made himself a slideshow.  Smokey Joe wants to be chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee and thought a slideshow would be a sure fire way to convince his fellow Republican congressmen to support him because most of them can’t read but like real pretty pictures.

Juanita says we better let Joe speak for himself because nobody else in the world is capable of such majesty.

He naturally touts his conservative credentials, saying, “I know the ropes and can hit the ground running immediately.” He especially appeals to the newly elected members, saying he would make sure they are represented on the powerful committee.

Then comes the money slide, titled: “What’s in Store for the Obama Administration,” with photos of President Dwight D. Eisenhower and Generals Omar Bradley and George Patton in uniform.

“Speaker Boehner is our Dwight Eisenhower in the battle against the Obama Administration. Majority Leader Cantor is our Omar Bradley. I want to be George Patton – put anything in my scope and I will shoot it.”

“Okay, first of all,” Juanita reacts, “Joe does know that George Patton had loco camped out in his eyeballs, right?”

“And,” she continues, “I suspect that someone has mentioned to him that shooting the President of the United States, even by the lofty hand of the Chairman of the Energy and Commerce Committee, is frowned upon by polite society.”

“And, last of all, I think President Obama might wanna give up on this ‘can’t we all just get along’ thingy he’s got.  They are coming after you, Mr. President, with intent to barbeque.  You cannot sweep sunshine off the porch.  You cannot teach a longhorn steer to sing the Aggie war hymn.  And you cannot reason with these people.”

“No, wait, there’s one more thing.  Somebody might want to mention to Eric Cantor that Patton was a notorious anti-Semite,” she suggests.  “I think maybe he might want to duck.”