You guys remember Yachting Randy Neugebauer – the west Texas congressman we love around here.  Randy bought a yacht with his campaign funds which is kinda strange since he lives in the desert, was the guy who chewed out the national park service ranger on tv for doing her job during the government shutdown that he voted for, yelled “baby killer” at a Democratic congressman during a debate, and called US border detention centers the lap of lovely, and a whole mess of other stuff including how the hell did his son, Toby, become a billionaire.

Children at a border detention center.

Randy retired from congress but he’s baaaaack.

Donald Trump is considering Randy to head up the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, Elizabeth Warren’s old job.  Did you hear me? The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Why aren’t you hollering and stomping?

Hell, people, you could not trust that guy with a dime.  He will steal the gold out of your teeth.  Plus, he’s crazier than an internationally syndicated Donald Trump tweet.  He’s got loco camped out in his eyeballs.

Serving as a watchdog over the financial marketplace, the agency has returned nearly $12 billion to 27 million consumers who have fallen victim to predator scams, stemming from more than a million consumer complaints.

Republicans in Congress have regularly complained about the agency because they claim it unfairly targets small businesses without effective oversight, and some have sought to eliminate it.

Well, putting Randy is charge will certainly eliminate it.

Excuse me while I go put some ice on my forehead after I banged it on the table.

Golden showers by hired prostitutes in a Moscow hotel.  Extensive video and audio of perversions and compromising intelligence on Cheeto Jesus.  Holy Moly.  This is the latest from a dossier allegedly compiled by a British Intelligence officer and supposedly briefed to the President and incoming, uh…urp, president elect.

It may be complete bullshit (sorry Momma), but it is THIRTY FIVE PAGES of salacious and damning information.  If even 10% is true, it’s going to be a really “wobbly” start for the singularly most unqualified person to enter the Oval Office in US history.

This is how bad it is.  Trump will lie about stuff that doesn’t matter worth the spit on a postage stamp.

Trump told The New York Times early Monday that D.C. shops have been selling out of gowns, with big numbers expected at the inaugural festivities — in particular, celebrities.

Okay, let me say something here. “Celebrities” do not buy their gowns in Washington, DeeCee.  I myself, just a minor celebrity, have been to inaugurations and I bought my gown in my hometown.  I suspect celebrities do the same thing.

But, it’s sillier than that.

People Magazine, who are the recognized expert in these areas, called a few dress shops in DeeCee.

“No, we’re not sold out,” Mae Shipe, owner of the D.C. Mae’s Dress Boutique, told PEOPLE. “We have 200 dresses, if not more, in stock.”

Not only, it seems, are dresses in stock, but people aren’t flocking to the stores to pick them up, either.

“We have not gotten a huge influx of traffic specifically related to shopping for inaugural dresses,” Anastasia Thomas, an employee at Betsy Fisher, a D.C. women’s wear shop, said.

In fact, Peter Marx, owner of Saks Jandel, a D.C. area boutique, told PEOPLE that there have been fewer people seeking inaugural gowns.

“There’s never been less demand for inaugural ballgowns in my 38 years,” Marx told PEOPLE.

Give it up, Donald.  No celebrities are coming to your inauguration.  Hell, you’ve got Kid Rock, Gary Busey, the Duck dudes, and two members of the Rockettes. Enjoy!

Well, you’ve heard that alleged president elect Trump’s nominee for senior director of strategic communications for the National Security Council, Monica Crowley, plagiarized large portion of her book.

Well, come to find out, she also plagiarized large portions of her PhD dissertation.

But making money off other people’s work is what the 1% does.

Despite the news, the Trump team continues to support the appointment. “Any attempt to discredit Monica is nothing more than a politically motivated attack that seeks to distract from the real issues facing this country,” a transition spokesperson told CNN. The transition team did not reply to requests for comment for this story.

Her appointment to the National Security Council does not require Senate confirmation, but simply the nod of approval from Melania Trump.

One day after receiving damning intelligence reports of direct and intentional espionage against the United States, Cheeto Jesus called for closer relations with Russia and that those who opposed are “stupid” and “fools”.  When Putin hands His Orangeness his own ass on a platter, we’ll know both the fool and the stupid.

As anyone with common sense would know, incoming, uh…urp, president Cheeto Jesus is going to suck (sorry momma) at governing.  To reward his benefactor, Vladimir Putin, CJ has picked his first major twitter battle with the intelligence community, refusing to believe the mountain of evidence that the Russians did indeed hack into DNC and other computers in an effort to sway our national elections. Now that the CIA and other agencies have refused to change their assessment, CJ is now threatening to undo the Director of National Security that was put in place after 9/11 to coordinate the nation’s multiple intelligence agencies.

Apparently CJ has confused his role as Chief Tyrant at Celebrity Apprentice with his role as incoming, uh…urp, president.