I’m depressed. I suppose there are many kinds of depression. There is the padded room with heavy medication kind. There is the soul crippling can’t move a muscle kind. On the other end of the spectrum there is the “I heard some bad news and I have the blues” kind.

For those of you that aren’t mental health professionals (I’m really not either although I have a masters in Counseling) dysthymia is more of a minor depression. Think of it as seeing the world with a pair of gray colored glasses on. Nothing is black per se. The colors just dim and the beauty gets muted. Suddenly, enjoyable activities aren’t so enjoyable anymore.

This is what brings me to today’s topic. Writing brings me joy. If I have learned anything since my diagnosis it is that we all have to find joy in our life. However, over the past couple of weeks writing has not been giving me joy. They are painful topics and the current landscape of the world seems to be a constellation of bad news that form a very bleak picture.

Some people in the gulf south still have no power after a hurricane hit eight days ago. The workers are working hard, but the company seems to be fumbling about and those in power at the state level could honestly give a shit. If they did they would have fixed the grid three years ago when it spectacularly failed. Moreover, the depressing part is that a majority of Texans continue to vote for these ass clowns even in the face of their failure.

Then we get the other news from the weekend and early part of the week. Combine that with a complicit Supreme Court and we have a man that literally will not be held accountable for dozens of felonies. Then, a whack job tries to kill him and ends up causing more damage to the cause. Even if he had succeeded in his quest it would have caused more damage. Political violence and violence of all kinds brings damage.

The reaction of the ex-president and some of his followers was more disheartening. He paused for a damn photo op. Who does that? Then, you get the sheep that post this on their social media like some kind of battle cry. One guy even got it tattooed to his back. The attempt is horrible enough and I’m thankful the ex-president is okay but I just wish there were a genuine human response there. I no longer believe it was a false flag but this is why so many of my friends think so. That is also disheartening.

I have to admit my mind went there initially. Obviously, there is proof out there in blogosphere of my initial thoughts. I say all this to say my joy is nearly gone. It is quickly being replaced with despair. Hanging on in quiet desperation is no way to live. I suppose this is a fight or flight moment and my instincts usually point towards flight.

I am not leaving forever. In fact, I can’t even tell you how long I will be leaving. When the joy begins to come back it will come back. I’ll linger about and make comments every now and then and I have other sources of writing that don’t involve politics. I’ll still do those and maybe they will bring me enough joy to come back soon. Hopefully I will see everyone again really soon.