It was only a matter of time. We have apps for everything now. It was only a matter of time before some enterprising software designer would develop an app for racists and bigots. I had thought it would be an extension onto Google Maps known as the “whitest route” but sadly I was mistaken. As it turns out, The newest app for the bigoted American is called “Woke Alerts“.

Obviously, this story is hilarious on a lot of levels, but increasingly serious on a couple as well. When you read multiple descriptions of this particular service it becomes increasingly obvious what anti-woke really means. The terms racist, sexist, homophobic, and xenophobic have never been palatable in polite society. So, let’s co-opt the term woke to mean something it really doesn’t mean so we can somehow slide in racism, chauvinism, and bigotry of all stripes under the dark of night and couch it as anti-woke and not what it really is.

The second truth is that Consumers’ Research’s business model becomes very apparent when you go to their actual website. It cost no money to get these alerts but obviously no one is doing this out of the kindness of their own heart. They are monetizing this in some way. In this case, they can sell all of these phone numbers and email addresses to conservative candidates, PACs, and fund raising groups because they know they have found their target audience.

As someone on Facebook pointed out, this service would be great if you could specifically put in a brand name and get a wokeness rating. Obviously, it doesn’t work that way. In this case, they send you a message every time a company has “gone woke.” I’m sure, it is only a matter of time before an adjoining message is attached, “and hey, would you like to give five bucks to Gene “Knuckledragger” Smith?” So, we ruin your favorite brand for you and get you good and pissed and then we turn the screws to you. “Budweiser and Coors have gone woke leaving you a choice between the evil imports, frilly microbrews, and Keystone Light. We remind you that Lauren Boebert is fighting against all of the evil urinators in the nation’s capital. Please send her five bucks or that woke homeless guy could pee on you.”