It’s Halloween and the Super DeLux Brand Christians need guidance on this whole witch and warlock thing.  Customer Robert pointed it out to me.

So, when I first read this, I thought it was a joke.  First off, “Probe Ministries” just sounds dirty to me.

Second off, this woman seriously suggests that people hand out “terrific kid-friendly tracts” of an evangelical nature along with your candy.  Cool way to get known as the crazy lady on your block.

And I swear this is serious:

Talk to your kids about “God’s no-no list” in Deuteronomy 18 and have them help you identify those things when they see them advertised or used as decorations. (You might keep a running total of all the witches you’ll see just to quantify this concept.) This is probably the best way to prevent your children from getting desensitized to things of the occult. Help them identify all the Halloween items that strike fear in them, and encourage them to take a stand against their power by saying out loud, “God has not given me a spirit of fear!” Show them this verse in their Bibles (2 Timothy 1:7) so they know they are using the sword of the Spirit against one of the wiles of the enemy.

Goodness sake, why not just have them crawl under their beds and pray all night?

Customer Robert and I also loved this one —

It seems that the costume manufacturers have really cranked up production of all sorts of costumes to a degree we’ve never seen before. Gone are the days of burning a cork to blacken a face, put on some thrift-shop oversized clothes and dressing up as a hobo. (There’s probably some politically-correct term for “hobo” these days anyway. . .)

Yeah, they’re call “the people the Republican Party left behind.”  You know, the 99%.

And we can’t be having no floozy women at Halloween, you know.  She says women should “dress moderately.”  Men, I suspect can run around shooting out street lights wearing nothing but a grin and coon skin hat.

Of course, Probe Ministries is in Texas.  Of damn course.

Be sure to show this to your friends.  They will laugh and understand why we elect Rick Perry.