Stuck in the Middle
Well I don’t know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain’t right,
I’m so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I’m wondering how I’ll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.
Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you,
And I’m wondering what it is I should do,
It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I’m all over the place,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
.
You already know about East Texas – where the crazy folks like Louie Gohmert want to make everybody behave exactly how they say.
Well, then there’s West Texas. Where they just can’t wait to kill you.
Lubbock County Judge Tom Head needs to raise taxes and being a great conservative he needed to give people a reason why he needs to raise taxes other than the fact that if you want to find Lubbock on the map, you have to look up Hellhole.
So, Tom gets to explaining to the local paper why exactly he’s raising taxes.
Judge Head said he and the county must be prepared for many contingencies, one that he particularly fears, is if President Obama is reelected.
“He’s going to try to hand over the sovereignty of the United States to the UN, and what is going to happen when that happens?,” Head asked.
“I’m thinking the worst. Civil unrest, civil disobedience, civil war maybe. And we’re not just talking a few riots here and demonstrations, we’re talking Lexington, Concord, take up arms and get rid of the guy.
“Now what’s going to happen if we do that, if the public decides to do that? He’s going to send in U.N. troops. I don’t want ’em in Lubbock County. OK. So I’m going to stand in front of their armored personnel carrier and say ‘you’re not coming in here’.
“And the sheriff, I’ve already asked him, I said ‘you gonna back me’ he said, ‘yeah, I’ll back you’. Well, I don’t want a bunch of rookies back there. I want trained, equipped, seasoned veteran officers to back me.”
Judge Tom, first off, nobody is coming to Lubbock. It’s a hellhole. It’s hot as a frying pan in the summer, colder than a witch’s boob in a brass bra in the winter, and one damn crappy place in between. You can’t pay people to come to Lubbock. Hell, son, you could offer starving people in China a fancy condo in Lubbock and they wouldn’t take it.
Tom Head: Raising Taxes Because He Wants To
Second off, I do not care how seasoned your police are, they cannot take out a predator drone or the United States Marines. And there would be thousands of them — all whining about being in damn Lubbock.
Third off, where the hell do you get your news? I want to know because there’s got to be drunk people living in that isolated cabin the woods broadcasting crazy over the airwaves. Personally, Tom, I think they know they’re jacking with you and are rolling around with a bottle of tequila laughing about you making a damfool of yourself in public. East Texas has the distributorship on crazy and they’re liable to sue you for infringement.
Fourth off, just fess up that you’re real bad at government and so you have to raise taxes. Don’t be threatening to overthrow the United States of Damn American just because you screwed up the county budget.
Fifth off, please move to Arizona. Middle Texas is getting nervous.
Thanks to Sandy for the first heads up!
Gohmert’s long lost cousin? That kind of crazy has to be heritable.
1Why I moved from Roswell, NM (New Mexico’s Little [West] Texas) to Albuquerque (still leaning a bit to the ReThugs, but not so totally crazy) many years ago. I know just how you feel!
2Hey, hey, hey, wait just a cotton pickin’ minute there, Miss Juanita!! Why you wantin’ to be makin’ Arizona crazier than it already is??
We got more than enough of our own special brand of crazy; we certainly don’t need to be importin’ any from TX, thank you very much!
(Sorry, momma, but she made me hotter than the Arizona blacktop in July, she did.)
3This man should be removed from the bench.
BTW,the sheriff denies the conversation took place.
So, not only is he crazy, he’s a liar too.
PS Where are the tax returns, Mitt?????
4Yee-ha! Sounds like Judge Head hit his namesake one too many times, when he when he lost his grip on the mechanical rodeo bull.
5Oh, good grief! No wonder my husband doesn’t want to go there.
And it’s not just some shack in the sticks broadcasting that crap, it’s Clear Channel with Limbaugh and his whole crew of talkers.
Oh– and Alex Jones. He’s big on anything that feeds jaded people with something alarming enough to get their adrenaline going. We call that Fear Porn.
6Wow.
Just, WOW.
7So, I guess he has a plan to evade Seal Team Six too. Just like Osama.
And I’ll bet he has a sticker on his car that says that he supports our troops.
8@MaryK
Fear Porn???
That has got to be about the best thing I’ve read today!
9Juanita. I didn’t think any story would top a priority “boob for the day” Missouri Congressman – you did just that.
10“Take up arms and get rid of the guy”?????
Maybe it’s time for the Secret Service to pay him a visit.
11If we could move Louie, this guy, and our clowns to AZ, I’d chip in for that fence they want. It would start at the Mexican border, run north, and cross the top of the state. Then we send Mexico a note and tell them they can have it back.
12MaryK Croft, “fear porn” wonderful! I am seeing so much of that and didn’t know what to call it. Now I do.
13Sounds like the judge should be fitted for a new jacket, a white one with very long sleeves that fasten in the back.
14They get sand in their tea when they have parties.
15The Texas entity used to be called the Judicial Qualifications Commission back when my Austin lawyer-boss was running things~they have some sort of “commission” to toss out IDIOTS~don’t plan to look up current name, but 35 years ago, the MAJORITY of complaints were about County Judges and Justices of the Peace – nothing changes but the changes – Texas, a WHOLE ‘NUTHER WORLD OF IDIOCY~esp. West, East, North and South. Stay Safe, Austinites.
16JJ! That’s all ya got? Move to Arizona? PULLLEEEEZE! We have filled our share of crazy to a faretheewell as it is. You keep your Lubbock crazies all to yourself, if you please. Geeez, I thought we were friends!
17I attended Texas Tech in the mid-60’s and was thrilled to transfer to UT after two years. The Lubbock Chamber of Commerce had a slogan contest, with the winner being”Lucky me, I live in Lubbock.” During finals week, when I knew I would not be back to the paradise on the plains (their former slogan) I wore a sign that said “lucky me, I’m leaving Lubbock.”
18Many of my fellow students looked at me with envy.
We were talking about this over at Squatlo’s and come to find out this clown is originally from Washington County, Tennessee. Please accept our deepest sincere apologies. Apparently Alabama didn’t want him.
19Re-election can be a pretty iffy thing, as we have seen, even when the President is a brilliant, cool, honest, likable, dignified Constitutional scholar and his opponent is so not any those things.
So if the President’s plan is to betray the United States in such a way that Judas, Brutus, Benedict Arnold and the Brooklyn Dodgers ownership would all say “whew, glad I’m off the hook!” wouldn’t he have done it in the FIRST TERM?
20Bet he spent county money he wasn’t suppose to now he has got to make up for it.
21Judge Head is betsy bug, skirt wearing sewer rat crazy.
22And he’s a coward.
Out our way, we call all this nonsense Doomer Porn. That encompasses most of the conspiracy theories out there promoted by Alex Jones, Steve Quayle and at least half of the guests on Coast to Coast. Good times…
23Another reason to wear a bag over our heads when we leave the state. Migawd!
24I always felt a little sorry for the headhunter who called me years ago trying to recruit specialty nurses for their spiffy new hospital. I laughed out loud when he said “Lubbock.”
I don’t feel that way any more. I’m not a bit sorry.
25Remember, Lubbock is like Houstan–it isn’t HELL, but you can see it from there.
26Shouldn’t you have quoted that old Mac Davis tune:
Happiness is Lubbock, Texas in my rearview mirror?
27Juanita Jean Honey, you know I love yew & the Ft Bend Silver Republicans, especially the lovely Ms. Beverly herownself and Truman but, I gotta say it… I cannot wait to get back home to Philly. I thought I knew crazzzy before, but Texas has nothing on New Jersey after all.
3 more years…..
28Dear God, 3 more years…
Obama told me I could be Viceroy of Lubbock after the UN takeover. Not much chance of that working out now.
29Been through Lubbock once. Stopped for lunch then kept on going.
30Lubbock has some nice wineries 🙂
31Juanita, Randy M suggested I join up and list you among my own “signs of intelligent life” blogroll.
Glad he gave me the GPS, this place is a keeper!
http://squatlo-rant.blogspot.com/2012/08/county-judge-in-lubbock-texas-warns-of.html
32I am so grateful to have escaped crAZy and moved to a place where it rains and is a beautiful green, I have spent time in Dallas, Waco and El Paso, but never Lubbock, evidently not missing much…
33bless their hearts
Lubbock NEEDS some nice wineries. Then again that does potentially explain the dishonorable Judge hisownself.
34Love the Steeler’s Wheel lyric, by the way….
35We gotta get out of this place,
If it’s the last thing we ever do-o-o-o….
Absolutely, completely freakin’ nuts.
Cabo… take me away… and don’t EVER let me come home again. There’s something in the water.
36Aaahhh…Sr. Cabeza en el culo, ¡Muchas gracias! You have made my intellectually-challenged home state of Mississippi look positively scholarly.
Won’t last long, because the crazee is strong here, but thanks anyway.
(Sorry for the nasty words. Does Momma speak Spanish?)
37West Texas Crazy is a special brand of crazy, distinguishable from East Texas Crazy only in the guns to Jesus ratio.
But if you sent this guy to Arizona, the average crazy level in both places would go down.
38There are actually a lot of people (well, in west Texas a lot can be four generations of the same family at a ball game) who do believe that expletive deleted about Obama and the UN. I want someone to tell me where they get those ideas. Of course if I watched Fox News maybe I’d feel that way. Or maybe they have kinfolk in the militia. Who knows. But THAT was from a judge…..sigh.
39I think the UN would throw Lubbock back in the pond. That area is just not a keeper.
40The only thing this story is missing is a magic uterus.
41Ms. JuanitaJean,
42Here’s he is *trying* to ‘splain hisself. Bet Todd Akin wishes Head were running for Senate! http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=xOWk3HijQHU.
Non-Texans should know that the County Judge in more populated Texas counties no longer sits as a judge but presides over a county commissioners court that runs the county, more or less. That body is an anachronistic 19th century relic made up of the county judge and four commissioners often marginally literate and often elected primarily on their ability to drive road maintainers.
43You want civil unrest, Judge “Dick” Head? Try to keep me from getting Medicare – I may not be close enough for it yet, but I have been paying for it since my first job when I was 13 years old. By God, I can’t wait to stop paying insurance companies!
44I have some on-line baseball buddies in Lubbock. Very sane people. One writes for the local paper out there, doing movie reviews, and such, and has a fB page. We are also fB friends. This is from his fB page this week. Does anybody know anything about this, because this is the first I’ve heard of an anti-Obama movie.
“I guess all those “liberals” in Lubbock are not that powerful, if you recall my writing about a strange phone call received.
Bottom line: The anti-Obama “2016” movie will indeed open at both Cinemark theaters in Lubbock this Friday. My guess is that the auditoriums may have been rented for “2016” screenings — and that, as far as movie attendance goes, said film probably will be seen by those that already agree with its message. Do you agree?”
Most people who left comments did agree that it would be a preaching to the choir movie.
I’m just guessing here, but I bet this judge has seen it more than once.
45Could we bring back public hangings just this once?
46When this made national news on Yahoo I flipped. As a Former Lubbock resident now living in the wilds of the Yukon Territory in Canada, I am always shocked at how the worst crazees become spokespeople for Lubbock. However the town would fade into oblivion if not for the nuts who speak for Lubbock. Maybe I’ll just say I’m from Juanita Jean’s from now on.
47Reminds me of when I was at Tech, and the citizens complained about the odor coming from the stockyards. They decided to require that the stockyards put a bottle of Air-Wick on each post. That was the end of the problem, as far as they were concerned. Mac Davis had it right.
48Saw the YouTube video @AmberM. Dang, he looks normal enough! Makes it even scarier that we can’t distinguish the crazy racists from the normal folks. White hooded robes should be the required dress code for these people.
49Y’know, I never thought Lubbock was all *that* bad… but then, I’m from Roswell and it’s not that big a leap, in either distance or ideology. I do know their hospitals are great and I hold my cardiac team at Covenant Heart responsible for my being alive these last five years (and counting). My daughter attended and dearly loved and benefited greatly from the Texas Tech Band & Orchestra Camp for 7 years. And to top it off by being really shallow, the summer sales at South Plains Mall were fabulous. So, whackos-per-square-mile aside, I just can’t quite bring myself to totally badmouth the town. Sorry. Have I failed you, Juanita Jean? *sobs*
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