Well I don’t know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain’t right,
I’m so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I’m wondering how I’ll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you,
And I’m wondering what it is I should do,
It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I’m all over the place,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

.

You already know about East Texas – where the crazy folks like Louie Gohmert want to make everybody behave exactly how they say.

Well, then there’s West Texas.  Where they just can’t wait to kill you.

Lubbock County Judge Tom Head needs to raise taxes and being a great conservative he needed to give people a reason why he needs to raise taxes other than the fact that if you want to find Lubbock on the map, you have to look up Hellhole.

So, Tom gets to explaining to the local paper why exactly he’s raising taxes.

Judge Head said he and the county must be prepared for many contingencies, one that he particularly fears, is if President Obama is reelected.

“He’s going to try to hand over the sovereignty of the United States to the UN, and what is going to happen when that happens?,” Head asked.

“I’m thinking the worst. Civil unrest, civil disobedience, civil war maybe. And we’re not just talking a few riots here and demonstrations, we’re talking Lexington, Concord, take up arms and get rid of the guy.

“Now what’s going to happen if we do that, if the public decides to do that? He’s going to send in U.N. troops. I don’t want ’em in Lubbock County. OK. So I’m going to stand in front of their armored personnel carrier and say ‘you’re not coming in here’.

“And the sheriff, I’ve already asked him, I said ‘you gonna back me’ he said, ‘yeah, I’ll back you’. Well, I don’t want a bunch of rookies back there. I want trained, equipped, seasoned veteran officers to back me.”

Judge Tom, first off, nobody is coming to Lubbock.  It’s a hellhole.  It’s hot as a frying pan in the summer, colder than a witch’s boob in a brass bra in the winter, and one damn crappy place in between.  You can’t pay people to come to Lubbock.  Hell, son, you could offer starving people in China a fancy condo in Lubbock and they wouldn’t take it.

Tom Head: Raising Taxes Because He Wants To

Second off, I do not care how seasoned your police are, they cannot take out a predator drone or the United States Marines.  And there would be thousands of them — all whining about being in damn Lubbock.

Third off, where the hell do you get your news?  I want to know because there’s got to be drunk people living in that isolated cabin the woods broadcasting crazy over the airwaves.  Personally, Tom, I think they know they’re jacking with you and are rolling around with a bottle of tequila laughing about you making a damfool of yourself in public.  East Texas has the distributorship on crazy and they’re liable to sue you for infringement.

Fourth off, just fess up that you’re real bad at government and so you have to raise taxes.  Don’t be threatening to overthrow the United States of Damn American just because you screwed up the county budget.

Fifth off, please move to Arizona.  Middle Texas is getting nervous.

Thanks to Sandy for the first heads up!