For our foreign readers, “grab some bench” is an American sports idiom which, roughly translated, sometimes means “you’ve done all you can, sit down and let us take it from here.” As in so many other things, (“bless his heart” springs to mind) tone and context are key, so “Sit your sorry butt down you’re making a fool of yourself and you’re making the rest of us look bad,” is actually a more common reading.

Example:

In Ala-damn-bama, where erstwhile Chief Justice Roy Moore sits astride the judicial bench, an ethics panel has told him to leave that real bench and grab some metaphorical kind.  The Alabama Judicial Inquiry Commission  filed abuse of power charges stemming – as they always do – from Judge Roy Moore acting not like the Chief Justice of  the Alabama Supreme Court, but rather the Chief Justiciar of the Lord Almighty (who, in Judge Roy’s head, may actually be the same Himself).   Until the matter is resolved, Roy Moore is suspended from the Alabama Supreme Court… again!

Huzzah!

All this stems from the shenanigans Judge Roy pulled after SCOTUS ruled in favor of gay marriage last year.  When we last discussed Roy’s jurisprudery, SCOTUS had slapped him upside the headfake he had made towards contrition, but still wouldn’t allow marriage certificates to be issued.

Strike one was when he was de-Justiced in 2003 for being Cecil B DeMille.  Strike two was the SCOTUS smackdown.  This, if there is ANY justice in Alabama, should be his third and last strike and he can permanently grab some non-judicial bench.  He should be out of the judging business for good; so now he can sit by the phone all day, waiting for Trump to appoint him to the Supreme Court.

Bless his heart.