.

“Okay,” Juanita begins, “so this lawyer is out on the firing range with his custom silenced AR-15 rifle, minding his own business.”

Raymond Peake, Angry Old White Guy

“Raymond Peake, a corrections officer, comes along and sends him to that Great Writ Hearing In The Sky with his own AR-15, and steals the lawyer’s rifle.  Like taking candy from a baby.”

“Now I know this is kinda ironic in the face of the whole guns-for-protection department.  It does seem to me that a firing range would be the easiest place to dispatch people.  It’s kinda the OK Corral except more camo and meaner guns.”

“Anyway, Peake had a perfectly good reason for shooting the lawyer.  From his statement to police:”

Peake said he has been stealing guns for the purpose of aiding an organization that Peake refused to name. Peake said the organization is collecting guns for the purpose of overthrowing the federal government (of the United States of America). Peake said he and Tuso together are members of this organization. Peake told your affiant that he would kill to defend his country and he was stealing weapons to defend his country.

“Now, if you remember your Shakespeare, in Henry VI, a guy named Dick the Butcher is plotting revolution with some of his friends.  Shakespeare, ever mindful that the easiest way to tyranny is to remove the guardians of independent thinking, says the first thing to do is kill all the lawyers.” Professor Juanita says this will be on the test.

Juanita continues, “I have serious doubts that Raymond Peake is up on his Shakespeare.  So, I’m just gonna guess that he wants to overthrow the government and needs lots of rifles to shoot down the Blue Angles or an A10 Thunderbolt or Hillary Clinton on horseback.  I dunno.”

“And to make things even more confusing,” she continues, “don’t they teach people not to shoot a lawyer?  Who the hell is gonna defend you?  What the hell were you thinking?  Is your posse gonna come break you out?”

“You wanna hear the really scary thing?  This guy was a prison guard and had passed a psychiatric test.  And he had damn guns.”