The Fort Bend County, Texas, sheriff’s department has long provided a rich market for discriminating shenanigan collectors.  It’s kinda like if you had a teevee show like American Pickers but called it American Stoopid.  You could film every episode right here.

The sheriff gets to decide how to spend the money seized from drug dealers.  The guidelines are fairly vague about how they spend it, just saying that it has to be for law enforcement.  Sheriff Troy Nehls once spent it on life-size automated shows of himself (you know, like he’s princess Leia) speaking with creepy unmoving eyes about the courthouse rules. It scared the crap outta little children and Thelma filed sexual assault charges over that creepy eyes thing.

This time, they bought a muscle car.  Take a look.

and they explain it.

They intend to use this car to drive around to schools to show little kids not to take drugs.  The on the side of the car, they blissfully ignorantly painted, “This Car was Purchased by Drug Dealers.”

Okay, so you see why little kids want to be drug dealers. Drug dealers can buy cars like this.

Seriously, someone had to approve this advertisement. I want to meet them. So I can slap them.