Some Rumors
Okay, so you get to hear some very cool rumors because – and you’re damn lucky that I stayed in Texas — I live in Tom DeLay’s old Congressional District.
The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., used to be represented by the most arrogantly evil man in Congress, Tom DeLay. Now it is led by the most sadly pathetic man in Congress, Pete Olson. Honestly, they call him “Furniture” because his desk is smarter than he is. Add to that the fact that he has a speech impediment and you cannot understand a word he says. He’s goofy looking and we’re not entirely certain that he dresses himself. But, he is, and always will be a place holder. He’s Phil Gramm’s puppet.
Within days of Tom DeLay’s conviction reversal by Republican judges, Tom began talking about running for his old seat again. He’s decided it’s too soon this time since the filing deadline in Texas for the 2014 election is December 9th, but he wants to run as a vindicated persecuted hero in two years.
No, seriously, my phone has been ringing like a bad handbell choir with people anxious to tell me that Tom is doing a Reunion Tour. He wants to go back to Congress. I saw him get handcuffed and hauled off myownself. I was there having a party the night before and the day after. I never wanted to see him again.
Yes, of course, I still have my Tom DeLay chicken.
Okay, so Pete didn’t know he was a place holder and got to liking all the attention he gets as a congressman. If I’m hearing about Tom’s plans, you know that Pete is, too. So ….
Pete had decided to lead a movement to impeach Eric Holder. He got 20 other Republicans to sign on with him, 8 from Texas. Yeah, his desk would have gotten at least 26. Furniture. Bless his heart.
Now we have 99 problems in my congressional district, and maybe Eric Holder is one of them, I dunno, but even if he is, he’s gotta be like 96 or 97 on the list.
Pete Olson needs headlines to beat Tom DeLay. So, Holy Crap!, watch Mr. Placeholder become Louie Gohmert, Jr.
I swear that my congressional district is snakebit. Somebody throw some chlorine in the hot tub – Tom is back.
Oh God. Tom Delay Congresscritter v2.0? What do we have to do to get rid of this varmint?
Anybody know an good exterminator?
Good Grief.
1Pete has a speech impediment? It’s not nice to make fun of folks like that. Just go on and find someone better to run for the spot. It won’t be Tom DeLay.
2Thought DDT was through with politics because god found a higher calling for him? God is either a rill cut up or Delay is lying like a rill rethuglican pol some more.
3Every one of DeLay’s business ventures since leaving Congress have been a failure including his stint on the dancing show. DeLay wants to get his power back and probably thinks that he can beat Boehner and Cantor for control of the party.
4We feel your pain, JJ. You need a bright Dem candidate to defeat either of these dim lights.
OTOH, I’d like to see Mr delay fight Boner and Camter for the “soul” of the GOP. Even more I’d like to sell ’em the hatchets it’ll take to win the fight. Both sides, that is.
5Laughing at thought of Tom DeLay in a dancing competition.
6Tom DeLay or Pete Olson? I guess the winner will depend on who the corporate bosses want. As for what the people living in the district want — the resident Republicans will know what they want as soon as they are told.
7Furniture? How sad! Really! But if Furniture really does succeed in running against DeLay, hopefully Furniture will have the good sense to use those videos of the dancing show. My Gawd! Was he awful or what!!!!
8Pete, you’re a seat holder.
“Impeach Holder? Hokay!”
Much as I’d like to see Delay lose to this guy in the primary, I think I’d much rather come here every day and read how JJ has lampooned, spitted, destroyed, roasted, antagonized, humiliated, exposed, tortured, ridiculed, deconstructed, bumfuzzled, stomped, murdelized, bewitched, bothered and bewildered ol’ Tom as he runs in the general.
9@Marge Wood
Jon Stewart had fun with Pete a couple of weeks ago. Remember that Pete has never been a combat pilot.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/10/29/1251442/-Jon-Stewart-breaks-out-into-song-over-Republicans-complaining-about-HealthCare-gov-website-issues
That’s not fair. This committee, I’m sure, includes people with the proper expertise.
REP. PETE OLSON, R-TX (10/24/2013): Being a computer science major from Rice University, and a former Naval aviator….
Computer science major, former Naval aviator, that’s what I’m talking about!
REP. PETE OLSON, R-TX (10/24/2013): … who could not afford to have my computer drop offline as I’m rolling in my plane to drop a torpedo to stop Russian submarine from launching ballistic missile, nuclear missile, at our country.
(confused audience laughter)
I think that guy just used the plot from The Hunt for Red October to slag HealthCare.gov. Anyway, let’s move on to someone else.
10Olson looks like Louie Gohmert with fur. Maybe Texas rethugs all come from the same mold.
11Ole Pete flew that P-3 Orion bad boy.
Course I should not mock, back in ’01, when the EP-3 Aries and the Red Chinese J-8 fighter tried to occupy the same physical space in the sky the J-8 augered in cause the mass of the Aries. my pilot brother suggested the Aries pilot paint a fighter on the fuselage below his window. A kill is a kill.
12I was thinking the other day how much Dan Patrick looks like Tom Delay, and that maybe Dan is trying to capitalize on that.
Olson looks alot like Louie in a coonskin cap.
13Cripes! I feel a need for a bath, but quick!
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