Ezekiel Gilbert is 23 years old and lives in Bexar County.  For those of you from foreign states, that’s pronounced Bear County and San Antonio is its largest city.

It’s not that Ezekiel is an unattractive man, but apparently he couldn’t get laid at the Chicken Ranch with a hen under each arm and a fifty dollar bill stapled to his forehead.

So, as any gentleman is apt to do on Christmas Eve, he hired a Craig’s List escort to come and, uh, trim his tree.

Lenora Ivie Frago showed up and took the $150 fee.  The tree trimming was not what you might call successful.  According to Ezekiel —

Gilbert testified earlier Tuesday that he had found Frago’s escort ad on Craigslist and believed sex was included in her $150 fee. But instead, Frago walked around his apartment and after about 20 minutes left, saying she had to give the money to her driver, he said.

That driver, the defense contended, was Frago’s pimp and her partner in the theft scheme.

So, he shot her.  In the neck.  She lived for seven months, paralyzed, before she died.

The jury found him not guilty.  You probably want to know why.

Gilbert’s defense team conceded the shooting did occur but said the intent wasn’t to kill. Gilbert’s actions were justified, they argued, because he was trying to retrieve stolen property: the $150 he paid Frago. It became theft when she refused to have sex with him or give the money back, they said.

Damn tootin’.  A man pays for something he don’t get and you expect him to call 911?  This is Texas, Honey, even ugly men deserve a little Christmas Eve hoochy.

Ezekiel thanked the jury for giving him “a second chance.”

Holy crap.

A second chance at what?

Thanks to Robert for the heads up.