It’s getting harder and harder to decide if something is satire or not.  So, when I saw this headline, I expected some dandy satire to follow.

Howard Schultz would like me to stop calling him a billionaire because – get this – I am not a billionaire.  Schultz feels that only billionaires can call other billionaires … billionaire.  You know, kinda like the n-word.  He wants me to call him “a person of means” or “a person of wealth.”

I think he ought to be really thrilled that I don’t call him a robber baron or a dragon guarding his hoard of gold.

Surely this is satire so I kept reading.  And then there’s a recording. Surely Schultz was being satirical.  Until I realized that Schultz has no sense of humor.  But, to his credit he’s filled with whacko.

Schultz thinks I’ll be proud that he’s not “beholding” to either party.  After his horror at the suggestion that rich people be taxed at a higher percentage, we all clearly know who he is beholding to – but he doesn’t want us to say billionaire, so, you know, problem solved.

Honey, if you want to “walk in the shoes of the American people” you’re gonna need to get rid of billions of dollars.