Running in Circles
“Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, except for Lola.” — Ray Davies
The line above came from Lola by the Kinks. You could say that Ray Davies was ahead of his time, but he really wasn’t. Others had blazed that ground before. In this tale, a young narrator (we can presume Davies) is in a bar when he meets up with a transvestite named “Lola”. It seems simple enough right? It wasn’t the Kinks best hit, but it might be the most recognizable song they did when you ask fans of music today.
Of course, the irony is that the fossils in Washington and in the state houses were probably coming of age when that song was popular. Some of them may have even enjoyed it as a kid. Oh how soon we forget. I suppose that happens to all of us on some level. We often conveniently forget the things when we did when we were younger and that is especially true when it comes to our own children.
All of the talk of Democrats being pedophiles, groomers, and what not is based on two very cynical calculations. It is something they want you and I to think about and argue about. If we are arguing about this then we won’t necessarily see real opportunities for lasting change slip out of our grasp. It’s a parlor trick. The trouble is that grooming and pedophilia are loaded terms with very specific definitions. Q would have us believe that the entire Democratic party and half of Hollywood are pedophiles. We can’t seem to define these things anymore. Suddenly, someone that shows tolerance is a groomer or a pedophile. Yet, the man that literally said he wanted to have sex with his daughter is the guy that will free us from this pedophilia ring.
However, there is a more serious implication from these charges and one that some people honestly believe. There is a belief that this notion of transgender, transvestites, homosexual, bisexual, and general experimentation is somehow more prevalent now than at any time in history. If you ask people at the Trump rallies what percentage of people are transgender you will get some ludicrous responses. One gentlemen said it was 20 percent. If being gay, lesbian, bisexual, a transvestite, or transgender were all 100 percent choices then the fact that there are more of them would be proof of grooming. It would have to be that way right?
Except it is all a lie. Anyone that knows anyone on the LGTBQ+ spectrum knows it is a natural phenomenon and not really a choice. So, simply demonstrating tolerance and acknowledgement of who someone is is not grooming behavior. Furthermore, pedophilia is a specific thing. Gay people are not pedophiles as a general rule anymore than priests are. Again, it is a specific thing and needs to be treated as such.
The sinister thing about it all is that these poor people become targets. Suddenly, you realize there are all kinds of people to hate and absolutely none of them have anything to do with why we may be struggling. It truly is a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, but it sure as hell isn’t Lola’s fault. She’s just a girl trying to have a good time.
People seem to be generally uneducated about anything that doesn’t directly affect them. I saw a Jimmy Kimmel Question-on-the-street segment asking men intimate questions about women. One man stated that women lose two gallons of blood during menstruation! Don’t be lazy – educate yourselves people!
1It is a nasty weapon and very handy for attacking someone. My trans son had to deal with this for a couple of very traumatic years when he wasn’t able to see his daughter. His former partner, biological lesbian mom of that little girl, terrified her with stories of him and all his friends being pedofiles and perverts. He hadn’t transitioned when they were together as a lesbian couple, and she took full advantage of his transition to try and cut him out of their daughter’s life. He was near suicidal from depression all through that and had to educate every psychologist, judge, court and medical person who got involved over and over again because there was even more ignorance back then. That may have been the beginning of his life’s work in gender education and support, and yes, it got resolved and he was back in his daughter’s life. They are very close today. The whole vicious anti-trans movement is disgusting.
2No one who knows anything about the English public school system would say anything so silly as ‘it’s not really a choice.’
Sometimes it is. Read Evelyn Waugh’s letters for an accessible demonstration.
3Yeah, riiiiight Harry. Just when did you decide you’re straight?
My personal experience is being rejected by my dad and randomly having a job interview go south over the fact that I’ve never much minded whether whether my companions had an innie or an outie (not that I would have been that good a fit with that job anyway – the question had absolutely nothing to do with job duties, violated Federal law, and thus should have never been asked in the first place). I guaran-damn-tee you that’s not something I chose. Who would choose that FFS?
You do get points for reading older Brit stuff, though.
4There is, of course, such a thing as situational homosexuality. You can find it in prisons, and other places where men (or women) are deprived of the company of the opposite sex for long periods. When asked about the traditions of the Royal Navy, Winston Churchill replied with, “Rum, sodomy, and the lash.” But that absolutely doesn’t mean that men and women choose their sexual leanings, except in unusual circumstances. Indeed, there’s more than enough evidence that it isn’t so.
5Of course, I hit “Submit Comment” a moment too early. Trans people have been around forever, too. Brain chemistry is still a mystery, in most ways. Women have re-made themselves as men throughout history, probably because it was easier for a woman to become known as a man, without surgery, than it is for a man to appear as a woman. It’s a shame that some people go to such lengths to insist that there are only men and women, and the accident of your birth should rule your life, no matter what your brain is telling you.
6Good post, Nick.
@2 sorry for your son’s awful experiences and hoping things are going better.
@ Harry Eager
7Don’t be silly. Those are exceptions that prove the rule.
I have a trans relative. They are the child of my sister’s husband. They had their breasts removed last year but are not modifying the bottom. They look like a young man but smaller and wirier. They have struggled with acceptance all their life and are now living a better life. They can go through the world mostly accepted on sight as a man. But it has been an uphill battle all along.
8I had a gay brother who died of AIDS when he was just 37. He never had it as hard as Soul but it was not a walk in the park. I miss him like fire. But his widower stayed with the family, brought his new husband into the fold and keep Tracy’s memory alive.
None of my gay/trans friends or family are pedos, as if I have to say that. Unfortunately, one of my step fathers was and I have the mental scars to this day.
Interesting. I never paid that much attention to the Lola lyrics until I googled them today. Or maybe I just forgot. That was pretty bold for 1970. And, of course, the song will be running through my head all day.
9Some ancient history about Lola: the BBC banned the song from British radio. Not because of the kinky stuff, but because it mentions Coca-Cola, and the BBC forbid tradmarked names. They were frightened that it would lead to sneaky product placement.
Pop quiz for my fellow oldies: why did the BBC forbid the song “Deep in the Heart of Texas” during WWII?
10mollusk #4 That was just an accessible example. If you read a lot of ethnology, you will find, eg, societies in which the unmarried men live in communal houses where the youngsters blow the older boys. Then, eventually, they all marry women and give up homosexuality. I’m not sure I believe that last part, but that’s what the ethnographer reported..
My point: Nick is setting out an extreme position that is easily contradicted by example from hither and yon, long ago and right now.
11Not sure how extreme the position is really. I think if we think of the men and women in our lives that fall in the LGTBQ+ spectrum I think we will find it’s mostly biological in nature. I certainly think any choice element is simply the choice to act on impulse. At that point, it becomes a question of whether or not societal norms and family norms are comfortable with that impulse. There is a reason why there is a tremendous rate of recidivism amongst actual pedophiles.
All that being said, the actual estimates on LGTBQ+ individuals has remained fairly level throughout time. So really what you describe historically is not related to choice/impulse but to society’s relative acceptance or lack thereof of the practice. That points to most of it being biological. I just don’t see that as all that radical but maybe that’s just me.
12The last one – to our shame.
13@Harry, giving more examples of situational homosexuality doesn’t prove your point any more than the first one did. How about finding a more convincing argument? If you can.
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