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These giant billboards have been sprouting up all over the county.  Click the little one to get the big one.  Sorry the sun was reflecting off it.  I’ll try to get a better picture.

Now, Juanita never claimed to be no big time, highly paid political consultant expert.  In fact, she would prefer to be called a whole lot of tacky things before she’s called that.  Freeloading Yankee Terrorist Narcotrafficking Bad Dresser is a step up from political consultant.

However, it does seem to her that a few basic principles might apply to political sign making.

1.  I know they say that politics is show business for ugly people, but for goodness sake: if you’re kinda goofy looking, do not put your picture on a political sign.  And, if you’re 5 foot 4 inches tall , making yourself larger than lifesize on your signs might make passer-bys think, “Yeah, in your dreams, Little Buddy.”

2.  Do not put up political signs that take longer to read than War and Peace.  This sucker is on a road where the speed limit is 65.  By the time I read this thingy, I’d be about 60 yards downfield with a very puzzled look on my face.  In fact, I made an illegal U-Turn three times just to read it all.  So, arrest me.

3.  Red and yellow, kill a fellow?  Just saying.  I mean, do you really want people thinking of snakes when they see your sign?

4.  Do not put up expensive, and nevertheless tacky, political signs for an election you’re not running in.  This election is not even on the ballot until 2012.  Asking your political consultant if this is a good idea is like asking a barber if you need a haircut.

I can almost promise you that people will be confused when they don’t see your name on the 2010 election ballot, and they’ll forget your strategy by 2012 and just assume you’re back campaigning as a non-incumbent because you lost two years before.

5.  Did I mention if you’re goofy looking….. ?

6.  Okay, when you run in 2012, all demographic experts have predicted that this county will most certainly be minority-majority and Democratic.  Plus, Barack Obama will be on the ballot, turning out the minority vote.  You’re a Republican.   Quit wasting money.

Republicans on the ballot this election are not real pleased about you going out and raising money for two years from now that they need this election.  There’s a word  for it: rude.

7. Think real hard and recall how Milton Wright’s endorsement was the kiss of death in the GOP primary.  Ain’t diddle squat that’s changed about that.

I am dead solid certain that there’s more thing wrong with those signs, but I’ll have to drive by them a time or two more to see it all.

Meanwhile, that picture of you may make momma and daddy real proud but you can bet it’ll re-appear in two years on Democratic literature.  This ain’t Cowboy County anymore, Little Buddy.

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