I get a whole buffet of feelings every time I hear Melania Trump speak. Everything you hear from her creates simultaneous feelings of schadenfreude, condescension, but then equal amounts of pity, and abject horror. The horror comes in repeatedly subjecting this woman to the public eye. She clearly doesn’t want to be there to the point where you sometimes feel that you are watching a hostage video.

It’s when conservatives describe her that you start having those angry emotions. You see memes where she is described as a first lady that “finally has some class.” I’m sorry to curse, but that exchange often invokes the question, “what in the hell are you talking about?”

You are comparing her directly to the last four first ladies that all had advanced degrees and professional careers in their own right. Whatever she might be, she is definitely not that. This isn’t to say that she is not intelligent or not accomplished in her own way, but to say she is while the others weren’t is beyond ludicrous.

Yet, that sympathy and empathy has to kick in at some point. She clearly does not want to be here and doesn’t want any part of this whole thing. That includes the normal charitable stuff that spouses of politicians normally do. I’m sure she never wanted to be a political spouse and yet the official word from the Trump campaign is that she will be an active participant. This is in spite of the fact that she hasn’t been seen in public with him in quite some time.

This all came to a head this week when she called her husband “caring” and a “family man” in an interview about her upcoming book and the recent assassination attempts. This is also a complex thing with a complex emotions surrounding it. Obviously, most of us feel that he is a hateful man that has brought much of this on himself. Yet, everyone must at least feel sympathy for his family and friends as they try to process all of this.

There is a ton of snark surrounding these quotes alone. It was noted by even some in the media that they aren’t living together. As millions of people will attest, there are all kinds of family situations with dynamics unique to every family. Not every couple sleeps together and not every couple lives together. One is not necessarily proof of the other. However, the idea of calling him “caring” and “a family man” runs counter to the image he has built for himself.

My feelings on Melania might be nuanced, but I think it is fairly simple. She is a private person who deserves to live the life she wants to live. Maybe that is being a trophy wife. Maybe that is being out of the public eye and supporting her son. She doesn’t need to be compared to Jill Biden, Michelle Obama, Laura Bush, or Hillary Clinton. The worth of a person is not necessarily tied up in how educated or accomplished they are.

She isn’t as accomplished. She isn’t as educated. She hasn’t done as much as those other first ladies. She also doesn’t have to. It’s not a moral imperative. She also shouldn’t be put out there to lie for her husband. That’s beyond cruel in my opinion. She is going to be the one that takes the brunt of that snark and she’s just taking one for the team. It sounds like it’s not a team she ever really wanted to be a part of.