I’ve heard Ron Paul speak more times that I care to admit.  So has Juanita.

“He’s missing a rudder or something,” Juanita opines.  “He starts off sounding like a normal human person, but then he wanders off into very strange lonely places.  He starts saying stuff like ‘no taxes, freedom, hate the IRS, it’s MY money, personal freedom, group freedom, pickle relish, your granny’s undies, trig function, War of 1812, soft socks…..’ and all the teabaggers in the room think to themselves, ‘he’s not nuts; he’s just deep and smarter than me’ because they are accustomed to being the dumbest person in the room.”

“So, anyway, Ron Paul has a personal grudge.  He’s riled up and hacked off.  He has found a new enemy of America, and thank God it ain’t me,” she says with tremendous relief.

“Ron Paul is furious at Woodrow Wilson.   You know, the dead guy.  I mean, if I have to pick somebody to be mad at, it’s gonna be a dead guy,” Juanita assures us.  “I’ve got to go with him on that one.  I mean, what dead guy is gonna be able to argue with you?”

While nearly every speaker at this week’s Conservative Political Action Conference has railed against President Barack Obama, Rep. Ron Paul saved his heavy fire for another Democratic president: Woodrow Wilson.

Yes, Wilson, who left the White House in 1921 and died in 1924.

The Gulf Coast congressman, famous as an anti-government icon, raked Wilson over the coals for pursuing the League of Nations, promoting fiscal irresponsibility and attacking personal freedoms. He charged that Wilson’s failures are playing a strong role in many of America’s current problems, and he even stoked the crowd when they starting booing Wilson’s name.

Juanita just wanted y’all to know about this in case Ron Paul’s people start showing up at rallys with pictures of Woodrow Wilson with a little Hitler mustache and you have absolutely no idea what that means.  Not that you would understand anything at all at a teabagger rally anyway, because they’re talking about soft socks and pickle relish and the rest of us have moved on to this century and reality.

Verdelia says she thinks everything is Plato’s fault.  “He made thinkin’ popular and look where that’s got us,” she says.

She does have a point, you know.

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