Republicans are running on a ticket of making sex less fun.  I know that seems unwise as a campaign strategy but it beats the hell outta doing away with the Department of Homeland Security.

Duck Dynasty Love Interest Phil Robertson spoke to CPAC yesterday and was mostly concerned with sex.  It seems that the “hippies and the beatniks” newest “revenge” is STIs.  I probably need to remind you at this point that Phil Robertson says he’s sober.  We only have his word for that because there is no physical proof.

Then he started yelling that the Constitution was written for a “religious and moral people. It is wholly inadequate for any other.”

“You know what’s happened GOP? We’ve got too many any-others in the White House. It wasn’t written for them,” Robertson said to applause. “It wasn’t written for them.”

If you can understand that, you’re drunk.

And then, to make their point a little sharper, Republicans in South Carolina make you sign a pledge before you can run on the Republican ticket.

Before you can join the Laurens County Republican Party in South Carolina and get on the primary ballot, they ask that you pledge that you’ve never ever had pre-marital sex — and that you will never ever look at porn again.

Since it’s South Carolina I suspect there was a misprint.  It was supposed to say “with a family member” at the end.