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Your friends at The World’s Most Dangerous beauty Salon, Inc, have the popcorn popped and the beer on ice.  It’s Republican Convention time!

Texas Republicans will be descending on Dallas this weekend, armed to the hilt, to declare war on … you guessed it … each other.

“Baby doll, this s gonna be a Democrat’s dream,” Juanita promises.  “They are already starting to toss hand grenades at each other and throwing around the ultimate insult – promising to put each other on their prayer lists.  Honey, that’s how the Republicans like to insult people now.  When they disagree with you, they say, ‘I’ll pray for you,’ in that voice that really says ‘you’re going to hell and there’s not much I can probably do about it, but since I’m a better person than you are, I will ask God to forgive you because God listens to me but not to you.’ And then you’re supposed to feel real bad and change your opinion so you can go to heaven like they are, but you’ll never really be equal to them because you’re just not one of God’s favorites like they are.”

We are glad to have Juanita to explain these things because plenty of Republicans have been saying that to us lately.

“When they say that to me, I look up and say, “oh God, forgive them for using the Bible as their own personal  weapon.  They know what what they do.”  Sometimes that shuts them up but generally they just looked peeved because they know in their hearts that God is not your Facebook friend or even following you on Twitter,” Juanita continues and continues and continues because she gets excited at Texas Republican convention time.

Last convention, two years ago, the Texas Republicans passed resolutions supporting state sovereignty, making English the official language of Texas and America,  making it a felony to give a same sex couple a marriage license, and to require animals to wear pants and amusing hats.  Okay, so I just made up the animals thing but the Texas GOP is so nuts that you almost believed, huh?

This year they have some new ideas —

Keith Houser of Southlake, for instance, hopes to add a measure that requires the top two leaders in the U.S. to be “natural born” citizens, meaning that both parents are citizens. His measure would require presidential and vice presidential candidates to submit proof to be listed on the Texas ballot.

“This is our shot across the bow,” Houser said. “Mr. Obama, if you are going to run again, the state of Texas will not recognize you.”

“Shoot, Mr. Houser, Hon, it’s even because I don’t recognize you,” Juanita grins.

Texas Republican Party Convention – a grand time will be had by all.